Good mornin’, ya’all. Hope everyone out there is doing great! Actually, it will be afternoon by the time I get this posted, so…good afternoon to ya, as well. 😊
Famous last words! We all know I’m renowned for my shortage of cooking skills.
Well, the recipe I found online called for two quart size cans of tomato juice. Okay, so I ordered two large cans of tomato juice with my groceries. Opened and poured those into the large pot, then added the can of green beans the recipe called for and a can of lima beans, which wasn’t in the recipe.
Now, this is where the term haphazard comes in…I have never been good at being told what to do. It annoys me, so I seldom follow a recipe as written. Not because I’m a better cook than the person who wrote it but because I’m a random soul. I just have trouble following convention and a recipe often strikes me as a set of orders. Uh…nooo.
This is also where the train starts off the track. In goes the can of lima beans. Then I add the can of beef stock that is called for and beefy onion soup mix instead of the onion soup mix that is called for…just because. Now the train is veering even further off the tracks. I add the can of petite diced tomatoes instead of the can of whole stewed tomatoes that was called for…again, just because. Train is now venturing into no-man’s land.
It is at this point that I lift my head and begin to wonder where the hell I am. The landmarks don’t look familiar. So I step back and assess the situation. I still have 10 stalks of celery to add, a half dozen carrots, and a full head of cabbage. But my pot is already almost full.
WTH? How many people does this recipe feed?!
Now I decide to go check the recipe again to see how much stinkin’ soup this recipe is supposed to make…which is in the other room. Yeah, I know. I told you…haphazard…random…not right.
Well, crap! The recipe doesn’t say how much this will make. But clearly, it is intended to feed all of the inmates in our state prison…for two days!
I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit and think about this for a minute. I know what to do. I pull out a strainer and start scooping juice from the pot into a large bowl because I want to remove juice, but not green beans and lima beans. Well, this doesn’t work as expected because the pulp from the tomatoes and tomato juice are clogging the strainer and tomato juice is splattering everywhere except into my bowl.
Time to switch to a colander that has bigger holes…because a disaster that moves faster is so much better than a slow one.
Well, that actually works moderately well and I’m able to get 4 cups of juice removed…because, as it turns out, my damn tomato juice cans are 46 ounces and the cans called for in the recipe (which I didn’t need to follow) were 30 ounces. Sigh. Okay, I think the train is back on the tracks now.
I pull out the onions and check the recipe because…well, maybe it’s just time to give the recipe a try. It calls for 2 full onions. What? I look at the onion in my hand and it’s pretty big. That’s a lot of onions. I wonder if I need more juice. Okay…not yet. Let’s just cut up one onion…because I’m now piloting the train cross-country on a sight-seeing trip. Turns out one onion looks like a LOT of onion. I’m not doing two. Let’s just move on to the celery.
Okay, celery isn’t my favorite, so no problem. I empty about 1/3 of a small container of celery salt into the pot and call it good. Now, don’t freak out…I did taste the mixture as I went and it was fine. 😊 Says me. LOL
Now on to the carrots. Well, the recipe calls for 5 carrots. Hmmm…I’m pretty sure they mean 5 whole, large adult carrots. But I hate to peel carrots, so I have a bag of pre-peeled baby carrots. Okay, I fly by the seat of my pants (as if it’s the first time ever) and just start cutting up carrots and dropping them into the pot until it looks like there is enough orange in there. Good enough.
The train is now picking up speed, but the course has been set. All of the called for ingredients have been addressed…they are not necessarily in the pot, but they have been given due consideration. Nothing to do now but let the train run and see if it ends up in the station or at the bottom of a ravine.
I look around the kitchen at the horrendous mess and begin to clean up the carnage as I wonder what the hell I’m now going to do with 4 cups of tomato juice that also contains a little bit of beefy onion soup mix and the juice from green beans and lima beans.
Actually, it turns out that is a recipe for a damn good Bloody Mary, which I am enjoying as I write this blog and my derailed batch of soup cooks in the kitchen. Who knows what dinner will taste like, but I’ve got 4 cups of drink mix to get rid of. By dinnertime, I won’t give a flying rat’s arse what that soup tastes like!
Well, that’s my story, haphazard and hairbrained, and I’m stickin’ to it. Hang on tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!
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