Good mornin’, ya’all. Hope everyone out there is doing great! Actually, it will be afternoon by the time I
get this posted, so…good afternoon to ya, as well. 😊
Okay, I got up this
morning with no blog, no topic, no nothing, and wondered what the heck I could
do to fill that white space. So, stumped, I decided to go into avoidance mode
and fix something in the Foodi for dinner. I had ordered some groceries
yesterday to try a new cabbage soup, so I thought that would be something good
to have on hand for the weekend. Never made it before, but how hard can it be?
Famous last words! We all
know I’m renowned for my shortage of cooking skills.
Well, the recipe I found
online called for two quart size cans of tomato juice. Okay, so I ordered two large cans of tomato
juice with my groceries. Opened and poured those into the large pot, then added
the can of green beans the recipe called for and a can of lima beans, which
wasn’t in the recipe.
Now, this is where the
term haphazard comes in…I have never been good at being told what
to do. It annoys me, so I seldom follow a recipe as written. Not because I’m a better cook than the person
who wrote it but because I’m a random soul. I just have trouble following
convention and a recipe often strikes me as a set of orders. Uh…nooo.
This is also where the
train starts off the track. In goes the can of lima beans. Then I add the can
of beef stock that is called for and beefy onion soup mix instead of the onion
soup mix that is called for…just because. Now the train is veering even further
off the tracks. I add the can of petite diced tomatoes instead of the can of
whole stewed tomatoes that was called for…again, just because. Train is now
venturing into no-man’s land.
It is at this point that
I lift my head and begin to wonder where the hell I am. The landmarks don’t
look familiar. So I step back and assess the situation. I still have 10 stalks of
celery to add, a half dozen carrots, and a full head of cabbage. But my pot is
already almost full.
WTH? How many people does
this recipe feed?!
Now I decide to go check
the recipe again to see how much stinkin’ soup this recipe is supposed to make…which
is in the other room. Yeah, I know. I
told you…haphazard…random…not right.
Well, crap! The recipe
doesn’t say how much this will make. But clearly, it is intended to feed all of
the inmates in our state prison…for two days!
Okay, time to get
creative because all this stuff will not fit in my pan, nor in any pan I have
in the house. 😊 Yeah…now the train is all the way through no
man’s land and headed toward a stinking cliff.
I pour myself a cup of
coffee and sit and think about this for a minute. I know what to do. I pull out
a strainer and start scooping juice from the pot into a large bowl because I
want to remove juice, but not green beans and lima beans. Well, this doesn’t
work as expected because the pulp from the tomatoes and tomato juice are
clogging the strainer and tomato juice is splattering everywhere except into my
Time to switch to a colander
that has bigger holes…because a disaster that moves faster is so much better
than a slow one.
Well, that actually works
moderately well and I’m able to get 4 cups of juice removed…because, as it
turns out, my damn tomato juice cans are 46 ounces and the cans called for in
the recipe (which I didn’t need to follow) were 30 ounces. Sigh. Okay, I think
the train is back on the tracks now.
I pull out the onions and
check the recipe because…well, maybe it’s just time to give the recipe a try. It
calls for 2 full onions. What? I look at
the onion in my hand and it’s pretty big. That’s a lot of onions. I wonder if I
need more juice. Okay…not yet. Let’s
just cut up one onion…because I’m now piloting the train cross-country on a sight-seeing
trip. Turns out one onion looks like a LOT of onion. I’m not doing two. Let’s
just move on to the celery.
allowed this guy to do my grocery shopping for me yesterday because in addition to
packing my bags to about 25-30 pounds each and combining bread and tomatoes
with canned goods, he also picked a bunch of totally rotten, moldy, and limp
celery for me. Call me crazy, but I don’t think that happened in my fridge
Okay, celery isn’t my favorite,
so no problem. I empty about 1/3 of a small container of celery salt into the pot
and call it good. Now, don’t freak out…I did taste the mixture as I went and it
was fine. 😊 Says me. LOL
Now on to the carrots.
Well, the recipe calls for 5 carrots. Hmmm…I’m pretty sure they mean 5 whole, large
adult carrots. But I hate to peel carrots, so I have a bag of pre-peeled baby carrots.
Okay, I fly by the seat of my pants (as if it’s the first time ever) and just
start cutting up carrots and dropping them into the pot until it looks like
there is enough orange in there. Good enough.
The train is now picking
up speed, but the course has been set. All of the called for ingredients have
been addressed…they are not necessarily in the pot, but they have been given
due consideration. Nothing to do now but let the train run and see if it ends
up in the station or at the bottom of a ravine.
I look around the kitchen
at the horrendous mess and begin to clean up the carnage as I wonder what the
hell I’m now going to do with 4 cups of tomato juice that also contains a
little bit of beefy onion soup mix and the juice from green beans and lima
Actually, it turns out
that is a recipe for a damn good Bloody Mary, which I am enjoying as I
write this blog and my derailed batch of soup cooks in the kitchen. Who knows what
dinner will taste like, but I’ve got 4 cups of drink mix to get rid of. By
dinnertime, I won’t give a flying rat’s arse what that soup tastes like!
Well, that’s my story, haphazard
and hairbrained, and I’m stickin’ to it. Hang on tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna go
real, real fast!
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