To Write or Not To Write

       Hello, gentle readers! Hope you are all well and staying safe!

       Well, the day job kicked my butt again these past two weeks. Too much to do and not enough time, but you all know what that’s like.

       Still, I survived and actually got some stuff done that I haven’t been able to get to and this makes me happy.

       What else makes me happy? Well, the writing, of course. I admit, I would be lost without it and I know this because…

        I didn’t write for over ten years. I know, that’s a long time. Why? Well, a few reasons, but looking back, none of them were good. We all have our own self-editors in our heads. You know the nasty, little voices that say “Who wrote this drivel? Why do you even try?”

        And then, there are the external voices. In my case, it was a particularly devastating rejection letter. In the past, I let those things bother me (lots of tears and then self-soothing chocolate) so I decided I was going to stop writing at all.

        And I did. For ten long years.

        I noticed something about myself when I wasn’t writing. I’m not the same person as when I do write. There is a need in me to get those words on paper (or on the computer), a passion for making up stories that keeps me sane. And, if it can bring joy to someone else, all the better.

        So, what made me start writing again?

        I was cleaning out my file cabinet and I came across that rejection letter, the one that made me put down my pen. In a clearer frame of mind (and ten years of personal growth and developing a thicker skin), I read it again. And again. No, I was not torturing myself. I was learning, seeing what that agent saw that I hadn’t seen before.

        And suddenly, two things clicked in my brain at once. An epiphany, if you will. I realized how much I missed writing and how much I was denying that part of me.

        What was the other thing? Plain old stubbornness. Yes, I said that and I mean that. I am stubborn. Have been all my life (and believe me, sometimes stubbornness will see you through a situation more than anything else).

        So…I sat down to write. A story so full of conflict that there could never be any doubt (which is what the agent had pointed out in the letter…that I didn’t have enough conflict).

        Finding and reading that letter again happened in 2006. In 2008, I published my first story. That was eighteen years ago. Since then, I’ve published fourteen stories, finished the first draft of another, and started four more.

        I still have that rejection letter. It’s framed on my wall. And it reminds me…never let go of your dreams.

        Stay well! Stay safe! And remember to spread kindness wherever you go! Marie