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Sunday, February 28, 2016

Family Reunions—Watch Out For Aunt Millie and Uncle Elmer!

Hey, ya’all, how’s everyone doin’ out there today?  Doing great at this end!  My apologies to those of you who tuned in to read my blog last Friday and found it wasn’t there.  I’ve been burning the candle at both ends to get 2 books out this month.  Got them out, and then I took a few days off…which turned into about 10 days off…and everything took some downtime, including my brain.  I simply spaced it out.  So sorry!!!

Okay, so here we are again, and I’ve got a family reunion coming up for my dad’s side of the family.  I also have a high school girlfriend staying with me this week (from Oklahoma) so she can attend her family reunion.  So I’ve got family reunions on the brain and thought I’d do a little research on the subject and share with you what I’ve found.  Hold onto your hats…it’s redneck…I know, shocker, huh?  Let me just say that the research I did for this article made me very grateful for the family I have.  Holy cow, there are some scary families out there!

So, I met with some of my cousins a couple of times in the last month to do a little party planning.  The reunion will be at my house this year, so I was relieved when everyone wanted to pitch in and help plan and bring stuff.  This family used to have reunions every year when my grandparents and aunts and uncles were all alive, but the reunions fell by the wayside as the older generation aged and family members scattered to the winds.  But I have like 25 first cousins on that side of the family, so there’s still a lot of family around, and all of us are now grandparents.  So we decided it was time the next generations(s) got to know each other.

The dilemmas:

·   Estranged family members—You know, those people who have, for one reason or another, pulled away from the family and no longer want anything to do with anyone.  We decided to invite them, wish them well, and be surprised if they show up.  (Might have to frisk them at the gate for weapons.)

·     Alcohol—We all understand this one.  Aunt Mildred tips a little too much and flashes everyone…no one wants to see that!  (Did I mention this family's roots are in the dairy farm industry? Yeah, that’s flashing on a whole different scale!) Okay, so I’ll have to assign someone to watch Aunt Millie and either confiscate her flask or lock her in the garage with it.  Everyone agreed for this first trial reunion, the alcohol should stay stowed until we figure out who (besides Aunt Millie) are the worst offenders, and just how bad it might get.  Of course, I’ll have to figure out how to keep my flask hidden but accessible, in order to survive the insanity.  LOL  Just sayin…

·     The menu—Those of you who know me know that I don’t really care.  My attitude about potlucks is that we are getting together to visit and catch up on what’s been happening with everyone.  The food is just something to bond over.  So if everyone brings green bean casserole, that’s great…there’s plenty of green beans for everyone!  But not everyone thinks the way I do, so I’m sure there is a movement afoot to make sure the basics are covered.  Works for me.  (Smile)

·       Entertainment—Not worrying about it.  There will be plenty of people to talk to.  And if things get boring, I just share my flask with Aunt Millie and…voile…entertainment!

So…in the spirit of the reunion season, I researched family reunion jokes and here are some I found.

·     A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.  Hmmm…not sure exactly what this means…if it’s just learning who your family members are so you can stay away from ‘em, or it’s seeing what genes might be passed down if you were to reproduce.

·      You might be a redneck if you attend your family reunion to pick up chicks.  I don’t even want to think about this one!  Guess I’d better assign someone to keep an eye on my grandsons.  LOL

·        You might be a redneck if your family reunion is held at a rest area.  Well, my place ain’t a rest area, but don’t think I’d be surprised if someone decided to pee in a trash can.  Just sayin…

·     Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!  Well, this is something that just can’t be helped…it’s a family reunion.  If you can’t show your butt to family, then who… (nevermind…this didn’t come out on paper like it did in my head).

·     We put the "fun" in dysfunctional.  I think this one will certainly come to fruition next weekend, as I don’t think there is anyone in this family that didn’t inherit the twisted sense of humor.

·      Relatives are people who come to dinner, who aren't friends.  Well, if they aren’t friends before they show up, I’m sure they will be by the time they leave—especially if we can keep Aunt Millie’s shirt on her.

Now, I know you’ve all experienced the problem of relatives who love to come to visit and maybe stay too long.  Well, I tend to be pretty open and folks are welcome to stay as long as they’d like.  If I get too tired to party, I’ll just go to bed and everyone is on their own—just put the fire out before you leave.  But I did run across a very ingenious solution on the internet for solving the problem of too many visiting relatives.  One guy fixed the problem by borrowing money from the rich ones and loaning it to the poor ones.  Now none of them come back.  I like it!  So if you’re related to me and I ask to borrow money, or offer to make you a loan…it’s time to go.  LOL

And this article would NOT be complete without the redneck family reunion horror story…which I found (easily) on the internet.  Someone wrote in to say…

Last time I went to a family reunion my uncle (married in) got in a knife fight with my grandfather over who had the best barbecue sauce, two separate cousins admitted to being knocked up by the same guy, and someone tried to use gasoline to start a bonfire and damn near lost his trailer in the process.

Probably a good thing I don’t have a trailer.  Guess we’d better frisk Aunt Millie for the flask and Uncle Elmer for the fish-guttin’ knife. that I think about it...perhaps everyone should be frisked for weapons...especially the ones who come in curlers.  They're the ones living on the edg

Be sure you watch for new releases of my Delta Jane Series, as I’m thinking this family reunion could produce some most excellent fodder for the next installment.  Hmmm…maybe a Delta Jane Family Reunion?  LOL

That’s my story—redneck and ridiculous—and I’m stickin’ to it.  Hang on tight now, cuz’ we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,

Many thanks to these sites for some of the stories and one-liners used in this article!


  1. Looking forward to your 'most excellent fodder'. Have a good time at your reunion and don't forget to take pictures!

  2. Have a terrific time! Keep the flask handy though. You might need it yourself before the reunion is over with. ;-)