Hey ya’all.
Hope everyone is doing good today.
Things are great here and, as usual, Stupid Girl is at work in my
neighborhood. Remember her? My alter ego who takes the blame for
everything strange and unusual (translation: stupid) that I do? Of course you do. And have I got a doosie of a story for you
this week!
A friend of mine that I used to work with at the
previous day job passed away this week and there were a lot of emails flying
around giving information on his death and services. There was a wrong address email and then the
ensuing corrections, and I was getting information from multiple sources. Some emails were more informative than
others, some less. LOL Unfortunately, I can’t blame the emails for what happened…because I did have the correct address AND
the correct date in one of those messages.
So…here’s what happened. I get up, get dressed, and head to the
funeral. All is going well. I’m right on time, with just a few minutes to
spare. So I will be able to catch up
with my old friends before the services.
Excellent!
I arrive and get a good parking spot. It is impressive how many people have turned
out for Jim’s funeral and I am happy for his family. I enter and right inside the door, a sweet lady
greets me with a handshake and a big smile.
She asks if I am family.
I say, “No. I used
to work with Jim at Honeywell.”
A strange look crosses her face and she nods and
says, “Oh, how wonderful. Well, please
go on in and have a seat.”
Oh-kay.
So I go through a line of greeters, shaking hands and
introducing myself as a friend who used to work with Jim. Not a single person questions this. They all nod and smile and welcome me warmly.
I sign in at the table where the little book is and
find a seat at the back, wondering at the fact that I don’t recognize
anyone. Certainly out of all these
people, there would be one person we used to work with that I know. What about the friends who forwarded me the
note? But there are quite a few people
there, so I guess it’s not surprising that I can’t find them.
So I sit back to enjoy the slide show that is
playing. Strange…I don’t see Jim in any
of the pictures. All I see is some old
woman. Then they flash a slide with her
name…Ida Mae…and her birth and death dates.
Huh?
Strange…she died about the same time as Jim.
Okay, I’m a little slow at times, but not completely
oblivious. So I get up and slip back to
the sign-in desk and ask the woman, “Excuse me.
Whose funeral is this?”
She looks at me like I just beamed down from The
Enterprise and says, “It’s Ida Mae’s.”
Shit!
“Oh. Really?” I smile and never skip a beat as I say, “I
must be in the wrong place. I’m looking
for Jim’s funeral.”
She nods and leans back (away from me) as she points
to a man at the door and says, “You should talk to him. He will know where your friend is.”
“Thank you.” I
smile and head for the guy at the door.
“Excuse me, sir.
The woman at the sign-in table said I should ask you. I’m looking for my friend Jim’s funeral. Can you direct me to the right place?”
His eyebrows raise so high they are almost buried in
his hairline. “Uh, I’m sorry. Jim’s funeral is next Friday.”
Shit!
I nod and give him my best oh-crap look. “Ah, that explains it. I thought it was today.”
He shakes his head and looks like he’s trying to
assess my mental state. “They tried to
schedule the services for today, but we were already booked. So we had to slide it to next week.”
I smile and nod and thank him for the information as
I stand up straight and try to walk out the door looking like I know what the
hell I am doing.
Seriously?
I show up at the wrong funeral?
Who does that?
Stupid Girl, that’s who!!!!!
So I get in my truck and waste no time pulling out of
the parking lot before the little men with the white jackets show up.
Two miles down the road, I get a call on my cell
phone. It’s my friend Jan. She sounds confused. “Hi.
How are you?”
I smile. “I’m
fine. Are you at Ida Mae’s?”
“Yes. Where
the heck are you? Am I the only one who
got the wrong day?”
I laugh. “I’m
2 miles down the road. I just left Ida’s. Why don’t I come back and get you and we can
have lunch.”
So…I make a u-turn and head back to the church.
In the meantime, I put in a call to my friend
Pam…the one who sent me the email information.
She doesn’t answer, so I leave a message. “Hi Pam.
This is Lori. Are you going to
the funeral today or next week? I
decided to go today. Ida Mae looks
great, but Jim won’t be there until next week.
Call me.”
The thing that really pisses me off about all of this…I
missed the cookie table. Turns out, my
friend Jan did exactly the same thing I did…she told everyone she worked with
Jim at Honeywell…and, again, no one caught on. She
gets all the way inside, realizes she’s at the wrong funeral, and goes back
out. But on the way out, she spots the
cookie table and asks, “Do you think Ida would mind if I took a cookie?”
Shit!
How the hell did I miss the cookie table?
HERE’S YOUR SIGN………..
Imagine how tickled they will be to see me and Jan
back there again next week. Is it
possible to make money being a professional funeral-goer?
I'm hoping there will be cookies.
Update to the story:
I showed up again the following Friday. This time my friend Jan couldn't make it. So I not only grabbed a cookie for myself, but I mailed one to Jan. Hope she liked it. :)
There was also a very cute moment that occurred as we were waiting for the services to begin that I must share with you. Now, keep in mind that there were 6 or 7 of us sitting together in the pews and we all worked together in the IT department at Honeywell (with Jim). Some of us were computer programmers, some were systems programmers...but we were all lifelong computer professionals who are now retired.
A man who sat in front of us turned around to introduce himself and find out who we were. We told him we worked with Jim at Honeywell, so he smiled and asked, "Oh, then you all know computers?" To a man, every one of us shook our heads and answered "No," in unison.
Hope no one at Honeywell sees this and wonders what the hell they were paying us for all those years. LOL
To my friend Jim...Rest In Peace, my friend.
Shit!
I'm hoping there will be cookies.
Update to the story:
I showed up again the following Friday. This time my friend Jan couldn't make it. So I not only grabbed a cookie for myself, but I mailed one to Jan. Hope she liked it. :)
There was also a very cute moment that occurred as we were waiting for the services to begin that I must share with you. Now, keep in mind that there were 6 or 7 of us sitting together in the pews and we all worked together in the IT department at Honeywell (with Jim). Some of us were computer programmers, some were systems programmers...but we were all lifelong computer professionals who are now retired.
A man who sat in front of us turned around to introduce himself and find out who we were. We told him we worked with Jim at Honeywell, so he smiled and asked, "Oh, then you all know computers?" To a man, every one of us shook our heads and answered "No," in unison.
Hope no one at Honeywell sees this and wonders what the hell they were paying us for all those years. LOL
That's my story, sad and silly, and I'm stickin' to it. Hang on tight
now 'cuz we're gonna go real, real fast!
Love ya,
Kayce
