Hey there! I hope your week has been fabulous so far…mine’s been fair to middlin’. But now I’m looking forward to the long weekend. Wahoo! Three days off! Doing the happy dance here!!! Oh yeah.
Alright, so what am I going to blog about today? Well, I’m blogging about stupidity. Whose stupidity? Mine. And what better to blog about? I’m talking about my struggle with electronics…computers and phones, to be exact. I just cannot figure out how we humans can allow ourselves to become so dependent on things that are so damned frustrating.
Okay, I guess if you’re gonna follow me here, I’m gonna have to go back to the beginning and tell you what has set me off. It’s my computer…my lifeline. I spilled something on it today and immediately went into a panic. What did I spill on my computer? Well, no it wasn’t my coffee or a Coke. It was salsa. Now, I don’t know why I should have been surprised. It’s not like the computer was sitting across the desk or on the other side of the table…it’s not like I was being careful and smart. Oh no…I was actually eating on top of the computer. Like…laptop open and in my lap and I’m eating a cheese quesadilla and salsa with it sitting on top of my computer. Then Stupid Girl was shocked when she hit the bowl of salsa and then reached to steady it and turned the entire bowl upside down smack dab in the middle of my keyboard. Uh-huh…that’s what I did. Stupid Girl at work!
Now, before you get upset with me for negative self-talk, I want you to understand that Stupid Girl is not me. She’s my alter-ego…sort of like Sybil. I like to tell people that I’m a very intelligent woman with moments of incredible stupidity. And when I have those moments, I hate to take responsibility for idiocy like eating salsa on your laptop…so I invented Stupid Girl. She’s the scapegoat…the person I can blame so I don’t have to own my stupidity. I spill salsa on the laptop…Stupid Girl did it…not me! Got it? Clear as mud?
Anyway, back to the salsa seeping into the keyboard. I flew into an absolute panic and immediately jumped up and ran to the sink to wash the salsa off. Yep, you heard me…I was gonna wash it off! Holy freaking hell, Batman, what was Stupid Girl thinking?! So I run to the sink and turn the water on, just barely catching myself before I submerged my laptop under a waterfall. Sheesh, that was close. If the salsa didn’t kill the laptop, I’m pretty sure drowning would have been fatal. So I flip the machine over and begin wiping salsa off the keyboard into the sink. Then when I think I’ve got it all, I turn the machine over and immediately begin wiping it down with a handful of paper towels. Then I get a butter knife and start digging little bits of tomatoes and chilis from around the keys. So when the keyboard is as clean as I can possibly get it, I start looking at the screen to see if it even works still. It does! Yes, Matilda, there is a God! So I immediately take it to my desk and start the backup. Because when that salsa dries in there, I’m thinking there’s still a good chance the accident could end in a fatality.
Okay, so that was the big event for today and it got me to thinking about other times that Stupid Girl made my life much more complicated than it should have to be. There was that time that she left my cell phone outside on the BBQ grill…in the rain…overnight. It rains once every 25 years at my house and it had to be that night. Two weeks in a bag full of rice and the darn thing was resurrected…until…yep, you guessed it! Stupid Girl again. This time she had it stuffed in her bra while she was irrigating and when she bent over to open the irrigation gate, she didn’t notice it slip into the ditch full of water. Argh! So…off to get a new phone. Unfortunately, that one didn’t have a real long shelf life either. But this time it wasn’t my fault…it was a defect in the genes. You see, a couple of months before, I laughed my ass off at my cousin when she told me she had dropped her cell phone in her coffee. OMG! Who does that?! Her husband and I absolutely tormented her over that one. So imagine my horror when Stupid Girl puts her cell phone on top of her coffee cup to keep a fly out and two minutes later hits the phone and plops it head-first into a brand new, full cup of coffee! My first call was to my cousin to tell her I’d just drowned my cell phone in my coffee. Her husband roared and said it must be in the genes. See…again, not my fault!
So here I sit still worried that my laptop might not fire up in the morning once that salsa has had a chance to ooze all over the guts and dry, with little pieces of chilis hanging off computer chips like a jalapeno factory exploded inside the darn machine. And I think even worse than the moment when I find the machine won’t turn on or it gives me the blue screen of death would be the moment when I might have to hand it over to a technician and admit that Stupid Girl spilled salsa on it.
Okay, it’s your turn. I can’t possibly be the only person in the world who has spilled salsa on her machine or drowned her phone in the ditch or in her morning coffee. What about you? Leave a comment and share your Stupid Girl moment with us…puhleez! It'll make me feel better. :-)
That’s my story, saucy and stupid, and I’m stickin’ to it. Hang on tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!
Love ya, Kayce