This blog is for those 18 and older.

Friday, November 2, 2018


Hey gang, here I am back from a quick trip to the Midwest where I thought I’d get caught up on my rest. But I think I’m more tired than when I left.  Oh well, it was really nice to have the change of scenery anyway.  So…I hope ya’all are off to a fabulous start on your November!  I’m looking for a fun month ahead.

Okay, this weeks’ blog is going to be a quick update on the last one.  Remember the company I was fighting with in my efforts to discontinue the service for a personal security pendant for my mother?  The one who is an industry leader in providing caring service to your most precious loved ones?  Remember how I struggled to get them to let me return their product now that my mother has moved to an assisted apartment and no longer needs it?  Should be a done deal by now, two weeks later, right?


So, what happened?  You really won’t believe this!  It’s like my stars are crossed.

I left the box outside my front door for 3 days, expecting it to picked up by the shipping company on the first day, hoping they’d still pick it up on the 2nd, and beginning to lose all hope on the 3rd.  By the morning of the 4th day, I brought it in and left it on the dining room table because I had to catch a plane for my 10-day vacation to Arkansas.  I assumed they might call me when they figured out that no one picked up the package and, if not, I would have another opportunity to fight with them after I returned.

But it is never that simple for me, is it?  LOL

Yesterday afternoon I returned from my trip and as I hauled bags in from the truck I wondered at the enormous box that was sitting outside my front door.  I hadn’t ordered anything to be delivered while I was gone.  What was that, pray tell.

So I stow my bags and hurry to the front porch to drag the enormous box inside, where I check the label.  It is addressed to me, with a note that reads “RECEIVER DID NOT WANT, REFUSED DELIVERY”.


I scan further and who do you think the receiver was?  Yep…my favorite personal security device company.  What the hell?  How could they refuse delivery on something I never sent?

I grab a knife and open the package which clearly is NOT mine, but it’s addressed to me, so I figure I’m not breaking any laws…even though I wasn’t really the sender.  I dig through the packing and pull out an enormous case with some sort of construction laser tool.

I stare at it for a few minutes, wondering why I have it.  Did the security pendant company feel bad and send me a gift?  Probably not…I didn’t get the sense they liked me that much.  Then a germ of an idea begins to form in my brain.  Retrieving my phone, I place a call to a neighbor down the road who owns a landscaping company and happens to have the same house number as mine—but on a different freaking road.

He answers, and I ask, “Hey, are you missing some sort of laser tool thingy?”  Well, that was pretty much all it took to unleash a tirade fueled by two weeks' worth of frustrating phone calls to the shipping company and the security pendant company.  He is poised on the verge of insanity—in exactly the same place I was standing two weeks ago when I tried to convince them to let me terminate service.

What happened?  Well, apparently the disease the security pendant company has is contagious because the shipping company has now been infected.  Apparently, the driver stopped at the wrong house, on the wrong road, and asked the resident’s girlfriend for the package he was supposed to pick up.  He never confirmed he had the right house, and she unthinkingly pointed to a box sitting just inside their door and said, “Must be that box.”


The clueless shipping company driver takes my neighbor’s new $900 laser tool thingy that had just been delivered (probably by the same shipping company LOL) and “returns” it to the clueless security pendant company.  They get it and apparently scratch their heads over it for a couple of weeks while my frantic neighbor calls relentlessly trying to find someone, anyone who will return his new, expensive laser tool thingy.

Me?  I’m clueless in Arkansas.  (Thank You, God!)  I’m sitting in the Midwest fat, dumb, and happy while my neighbor fights with everyone he can get on the phone.  My only challenge is that I have to drag the big box inside and figure out why the hell the security pendant company would “return” a laser tool thingy to me that I didn’t send...or want.

And I still have my box, which the company has now scheduled (again) for pickup on Monday. I won’t even go into what I had to do to convince them that the package they “already picked up” was not my package.  But after several minutes, they finally agreed to do “another” pickup.

Sigh.  You can’t make this shit up!

Well, that’s my story, clueless and confusing, and I’m stickin’ to it.  Hang on tight now, ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,



  1. What was it Maddie used to say - Mercury is in Retrograde or something like that? I'm not sure if it is, but it's sounding like all of your planets are in retrograde or in a bar somewhere drinking it up and you weren't invited!! Hang in there, girl!!

  2. OMG! That brings clueless to a whole new level.

  3. This has got to go into a book someday. Or perhaps Ripley's Believe it or Not.

  4. Good Lord! What a mess! I hope you got the laser thingy package to the right person. As to the personal security fiasco. Cancel any credit card auto pay with this company, report them to the BBB and file a complaint. If none of that has worked, call 3 on your side or Let Joe (Ducey) know. IF they refuse to pick it up, send it back to them, with a notification of return receipt requested. I'm saying a prayer that it is finally resolved for you.