CHUBBY GIRLS IN PRETTY NECKLACES AND PISSED OFF LONGHORNS.

Hi there!  Good to see ya’all back again.  I haven’t see you since last year!  LOL  Hope your New Year is off to a great start, and I hope you enjoy these silly pet tales.  We’ve all got ‘em, but these are some good ones.

I recently read a story on the internet about a guy who loved cutting his grass with his riding lawn tractor.  He would wave to the neighbors and drink a cold beverage as he worked, and was very proud of his ingenuity. Then one afternoon when he got on the tractor to work, the key was missing from the ignition.  After blaming absolutely everyone in the household for taking the key, he finally gave up and resorted to mowing the yard with the push mower.  This went on for two months before their dog finally dug up the key that she had stolen from the mower and buried.  Good dog!  Could be worse…at least she buried it and didn’t eat it…that’s a whole different return routine that ain’t pretty.

Apparently, the same dog later racked up a large vet bill for the family when she decided to see what fish bait smelled like and she lodged a treble hook inside her nose.  The owner now keeps the very expensive fish hook next to the dog’s picture…and there’s probably a hook on the wall next to it with the tractor key.

Speaking of fish hooks, I have a friend who used to own a gorgeous female Samoyed who decided to see what fish bait tasted like.  Fortunately, my friend lived with a veterinarian, so removing the fish hook from the dog’s throat was free to her.  LOL  Moral of the story…be careful where you leave your hook, you never know who or what you are baiting.  Hmmm…that’s good advice even if you don’t own an animal or fish.  Just sayin…

When my son was a baby, we owned a Basset Hound named Connie who absolutely adored the baby.  One day while I was cooking dinner, I put my son in the baby swing and wound it up.  He loved to swing and would sit for hours in that thing as long as you kept it wound up and swinging.  So I’m cooking away and I hear him giggling up a storm behind me.  So I turn and look and what I see is the baby swinging to and fro in the swing.  Connie has figured out just how far the swing comes forward and she is sitting just at the edge of its path.  The kid comes forward and the dog licks his face.  The kid laughs all the way to the back of the swing’s path and then a he starts to approach the dog again, he closes his eyes and scrunches up his face which earns him another lick.  At the time, I was horrified that the dog was licking the baby on the mouth.  Knowing what I know today (as a grandmother) about the dirt and germs that kids manage to survive, I’d probably stop to take a picture.  I’ve always regretted I didn’t have pictures of that!  What?  It was cute.

Another article I read on the internet was about a Bulldog that got a cat door stuck on her head.  Apparently, she’d seen the love of her life passing outside and was in a hurry to catch up with this male specimen of a dog.  So she barreled into the cat door, which was only large enough to fit her head through it, but not large enough to allow her entire body to pass through—or to allow her to back her head out.  (She was a chubby girl.  So what?  Don’t DIS the BBW!)  So, anyway, when she panicked and pulled, the cat door came out of the wall, and she now wore it like a necklace.  The fire department was called to help get the necklace off the little strumpet, and the family is now waiting to see if she’s in the “family way”. Because, apparently, the love of her life came back to investigate when he heard the noise.  Oh, look, there’s a hole in the wall and a beautiful girl in a pretty necklace!  I think I’ll just go in and have a visit.  It’s always the pretty necklace that gets the girl in trouble, ain’t it?

The story of the Bulldog wearing the cat door reminded me of something I actually saw in my neighborhood.  The people who live behind me have several beautiful longhorns.  They are incredible animals to watch.  Those horns are H-U-G-E, and I always wondered if they ever catch them on anything.  Well, I can tell you now that…YES…they do!  Apparently one of the longhorns decided one day that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence (because it always is)…or maybe he had a hard-to-reach itch and decided the gate would be the perfect place to scratch it.  In any case, what ensued was this poor animal getting those H-U-G-E horns caught in the gate.  Did I mention these longhorns are enormous animals?  Well, they are, and they are incredibly strong because this guy with the stuck horns freaked out and pulled the gate clean off the hinges.  Only his plan didn’t work out so well because he got the gate loose from the fence, but it was now stuck on his head.  How do you get a gate off the horns of a pissed off longhorn?  You don’t.  You wait for the pissed off steer to work it loose and dump it on his own…or until he’s so stinking tired of carting that six-foot gate around with him everywhere he goes that he just lays there while you sneak up on him and work it free.  Don’t worry…the gate did come off the longhorn and the bovine is just fine.  Can’t say the same for the gate.  And it was yet another missed photo op.  I was so fascinated watching that enormous steer with a big gate stuck on his head that it never occurred to me to get a picture.  Dammit!

Well, those are my silly pet stories.  Be sure you grab a cup of coffee and check out the Butterscotch Martini Girls’ Blab on Funniest Pet Stories…there are lots more where these came from.  You can hear all about mothers who buy snakes, zombie onions, peeing puppies, kitties who crap ribbons, cats flossing in all the wrong places, goats picked up for breaking and entering, marshmallow the pig, lap goats, gramma kitty litter, and roof dogs.  You do NOT want to miss this blog!

BMG Blabs

While you're there, check out our other blabs.  I think you will be highly entertained!

Oh, and while I’m sharing…I posted another blog earlier this week over at the Phoenix Publishing and Book Promotion site all about the yearly mammogram that I think you will enjoy.

Phoenix Publishing and Book Promotion

Enjoy your New Year!

That’s my story, silly and petty, and I’m stickin’ to it!  Hang on tight now, ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love Ya,

Kayce

Writing with Pets

If you’ve read this blog before, you know I have a fondness for animals in stories and the antics they pull, but today, I’m going to talk about real-life pets (what am I saying? Real-life fuzzy, four-legged children). 

The mistress of this blog has a cat. His name is Giz and he’s a most wonderful cat (although I sometimes think he thinks he’s a dog). His favorite thing to do? Lay across the keyboard so Alexis can’t write. 

I, myself, have two dogs. They usually lay on the futon behind me while I write and I will admit, I sometimes read them snippets of what I’m working on (well, of course I talk to them. Don’t you talk to your pets? Excuse me again, fuzzy, four-legged children?). I am proud to say, they hang on my every word and think I am brilliant! 

However, there are times when I wish they wouldn’t be so…attentive. Well, attentive may not be the word I’m looking for. A pain in the behind might be a better phrase. You see, sometimes, the futon just isn’t good enough for them. Sadie, especially, likes to crawl in the space under my desk. Now, this would be fine….if she were a small dog, but she’s not. She’s a German Shepherd and she weighs about 65 pounds. It’s very disconcerting to have a huge dog beneath your feet (although, on the flip side, on cold mornings, it can be quite nice). 

            

 Now Daisy, my other Shepherd, doesn’t crawl beneath my desk. Daisy likes to nudge my hand so I can pet her. I don’t mind petting her….she’s soft and warm and funny and sweet (she’s a little ADD and has the attention span of a gnat, but I still love her) but really? How am I supposed to write when my fingers are sliding along the keyboard and I look at the screen and see )(%&#)(IFHDIU? Don’t know about you, but this makes no sense to me at all!

             

Do any of you have pets (four-legged, fuzzy children) who prevent you from writing the next Great American Novel? What are some of the things they do?

As always, happy reading!

Marie