This blog is for those 18 and older.
Showing posts with label BMGs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BMGs. Show all posts

Friday, January 12, 2024

A NEW YEAR, SO MANY NEW CHANCES.

 

Hey, gang, how the hell are ya?  Doing good here, just busier than a one-armed paper hanger in a windstorm with jock itch.  And let me tell you…that is busy! 


So, in case you missed it, we’ve moved into a new year…365 new chances to get it right.  Oh wait…today is the 12th, so I guess that means there are only 354 chances left. Guess I better get on it. 

Spoiler Alert:  (In 354 days, the option renews for us lucky enough to make it that far. YAY!  Alright, it’s a date then…we all meet back here same time next year to see how well we used those chances.  K?)  

What have I been doing, you ask?  Well…I’m working on a new story. I am elbows-deep in the newest Dallas Bradshaws book.  What’s it about?  Uh…hot cowboys.  DUH!  Shhh…don’t tell anyone, but I’m writing it for the next BMG Kickstarter campaign that will kick off later this year. Squeee!!!  I repeat…shhh…it’s a secret, so DO NOT tell anyone yet.  But it’s gonna be suhweet!!!  (More information to follow…stay tuned.) 


Another thing I did about a week ago was babysit for my granddogs Zeus and Zoe.  Zoe is just the sweetest thing ever and she basically found the biggest pillow and the warmest blanket she could find, and then she snuggled in to watch TV with me.  Zeus...not so much. Yep, Zeus is the guy who only likes the lady in the bedroom, and that trend continues. Although he did screw up once and jumped into my lap to hang out with me while I was in the living room chair. When he later realized his error, he again donned his terrified face and went back to hiding behind the rocker.  But I was clever and texted my grandson to sneak out to the living room quietly because I needed a witness.  
And, as you can see to the right, I also have a picture to prove his duplicitous nature.  So, Zeus is now going to have a lot of trouble selling the idea that he’s really terrified of the woman in the living room. I know…one mistake and you pay for that forever.  Again, I remind you—he is not right. 


What else? Hmmm…let’s see…I went with my sis and some of her partners in crime to Medieval Times last week.  OMG, how much fun was that!  Gorgeous, well-trained horses, birds of prey, and sizzling hot Knights with swords and axes. Be still, my freaking heart!  That is totally my brand of F-U-N all rolled up with H-O-T…and the wine wasn’t bad either.  A good time was had by all…and no, contrary to what you may have heard, we did not take any of their knights hostage. 


It’s my story, I’m tellin’ it my way.  😊 


Okay, back to the new year.  I have to ask…what are you going to do with all those new chances you’ve been given to get things right?  Are you going to be kinder, be stronger, take some ass-kicking classes, work harder, play like a rock star, read faster, learn how to sleep in a hammock, laugh more, practice laughing until you cry, save more, spend it like you got it, travel more, stay home and lock the doors, visit family more, host dinners for friends, sell the welcome mat, exercise more (uh…no), relax more, lose weight (yes, please), drink less alcohol (say it ain’t so!), eat more veggies, find an excellent place to hide your hoarded twinkies, get more organized, let it all hang out, spend less, blow the wad, buy an aardvark, sell a giraffe, cook more, eat out more, sleep more, stay awake until the cows come home, fall in love, dump the arse, get pregnant, pray you’re not pregnant, clean your house, hire a maid, mow the lawn more often, hire a gardener, eat less junk food, stock up on twinkies in preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse? 

So, what’s your poison? 

What are you hoping to accomplish in the new year?

 

Me? I’m hoping to lose a little weight, get a little more organized, do more traveling, have a lot more fun, and write a lot more books, and maybe even sell that giraffe.  I guess that means I’m going to have to learn how to write on a plane with a laptop that has two screens, while I drink my low-calorie alcoholic beverage for lunch. Hmmm…I think I can learn to do that. As for the giraffe…well, no one meets all their New Year’s resolutions, do they?

Whaddayathink?  Can I do it? 


Whatever your goals are, whatever your plans are, I wish you the best of years.  May your enemies be few, your challenges defeated and your dreams realized.  

HAVE THE BEST YEAR EVER!


Well, that’s my story, naughty and nonsensical, and I’m stickin’ to it. Hang on tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,  







Be sure to sign up for Kayce’s newsletter and get a couple of free
ebooks at:
 

https://subscribepage.io/wnOodI 

Note:  If you already have the free books, sign up anyway so you don’t miss any shenanigans—and be sure to forward the link to all your friends who might want to join us.  Its gonna be a F-U-N year!

Friday, August 11, 2023

C’MON…FOLLOW US!

Hey, ya'all.  How is everyone? I hope everyone out there is kicking ass and taking names, and that you're sittin' in a saddle that fits,   ðŸ˜Š

 First, let me apologize for being MIA for a while.  I have had my head down, nose to the grindstone, working on a huge upcoming project for the Butterscotch Martini Girls.

 What? You say. 

 I’m so glad you asked!

 We are working on a big, exciting Kickstarter project.

 


What’s that?

Oh, baby!

Kickstarter is a crowdfunding platform designed to help creators bring projects to life, be it a fancy contraption, some spiffy invention, or a good tale that needs tellin’…and you know we got lots of tales that need tellin’.

How’s it work?

Well, I’m happy as hell you asked.

Here’s the way it goes…you hitch up your project, slap on a snazzy pitch, set a goal and a time limit, and let ‘er buck. Then you spread the word to everyone you know—like I’m doin’ now—and ask ‘em to go take a look and please “FOLLOW” your project.

Then those that truly love you (see what I did there?) will mosey on over to the Kickstarter site and take a spin through your project, checking out all the stuff in the back of the wagon. At this point, it doesn’t really matter if they actually want any of the stuff in your wagon…all that matters is that they love you (I’m not above milking it) and they want to help you do your best. So they do just like you asked and they hit the little FOLLOW button on the campaign site.

What does this do?

Ah…grasshoppah…what this does is it tells Kickstarter that you found this project interesting.  You like it, and you want to see what happens with it. If enough people do this, Kickstarter starts to take notice and says to himself, “Self, people like this project. Maybe we should too.”

Why do we want Kickstarter to like it?


Because Kickstarter is powerful and one of the tools in his saddlebag is social proof. He’s got access to LOTS of people looking for stories just like ours, and he has a whole platform full of great projects. So, he’s got to depend on social proof to help narrow the field down to the best. When he sees a project starting to rack up FOLLOWs like a duck eating June bugs, he sits up and takes notice. Then he gives the project just a little more love on the website as he watches to see what happens.

Well, what happens?

This is the point where the campaign launches and folks come from far and wide to toss in some coin, hoping to take ownership of some of the fabulous stuff they saw in the back of that wagon. They do this by becoming Backers…which is really just a fancy word for Buyers. They buy what is called a Tier. Ever been to an auction? Where they sell stuff in “lots”? Well, this is similar…the stuff on Kickstarter is set up with groups of merchandise in Tiers. But the backer doesn’t have to bid on it. They just “Back It”, which is a commitment to buy the set of products in this Tier on the day the campaign closes.

Wait…I mighta misspoke. Sometimes “backing” a tier is similar to “bidding”. That’s when there is a limit on the number of sets available in that tier…like a limited edition.  And, like an auction where there might be 3 of the same lot, and only 3 people can win. But with Kickstarter, you don’t have to be the highest bidder…only the earliest. It is first-come, first-served. So, that tells ya you are gonna want to be one of the first ones into a campaign to be sure you are one of the backers that will be getting that package in the mail.

Is that all there is?




Oh no…this is where it really starts to get fun. When Kickstarter begins to see folks lining up to back a project that has great stories to tell, then they start to bump them up in line…they get a spot in the newsletter a better spot on the website, and this kick-ass little banner that says, “Project We Love.”

And this is where you see the Butterscotch Martini Girls doing the happy dance! Because this is where we start to get a little more love from Kickstarter and all the folks who love to support new projects.

So, is that all?

Nope, not quite. Remember that goal the BMGs set way back in the beginning? Yeah, we gotta hit that. After all, if you can’t ride a bull, ya don’t get to participate in the rodeo. Same here—if you don’t hit your goal, they don’t want you making promises to your backers that you can’t deliver on.

Am I at risk of buying a ticket and getting stiffed?

Not at all, not ever, not on our watch! Kickstarter protects you from loss by not charging your credit card for the amount of your pledge until after they know the campaign has met their goal and has enough funding to make it happen. So…if the goal has been met, everyone’s credit card gets charged as soon as the project closes, which in our case would be on September 15, 2023.

That’s when the real work begins. Kickstarter clears all of the pledges, takes their very reasonable cut, and shoots the money over to us. We now have the coin to place orders for all of the product and merchandise we need to create all the stuff we promised you in those Tiers. It takes a couple of weeks before the stuff starts to roll in, and we then fill up our garages and extra bedrooms (hopefully) with boxes and pallets of stuff that we begin boxing and wrapping in preparation for pony expressing it out to ya.

 


But the fat lady does NOT sing (nor do the Butterscotch Martini Girls drink) until we ship out that very last package and the pony is running his heart out to get it across the desert and into your hands.

So…if you’ve got love in your heart for the BMGs, go hit the FOLLOW button and let’s make Kickstarter sit up and take notice.

And if you’ve got the gumption and a pocket full of cowboy spirit…or a “thing” for HOT Cowboys…be sure you watch for the notification that the campaign is live (hint…it might be Tuesday, August 15th). Then ride on over to the campaign site and look at all the stuff we are putting together. I promise you will not find it easy to choose a tier.

We have got ebooks and paperbacks, hard covers with dust
jackets, and HOT Cowboys, not to mention shot glasses, martini glasses, flasks, coloring pages, HOT Cowboys, digital wallpaper, leather bookmarks, an adorable cowboy bear, and…did we mention…HOT Cowboys?

So, saddle up and let’s blaze this trail.

Cowboy Crush Kickstarter

Well, that’s my story, enthusiastic and entrepreneurial, and I’m stickin’ to it. Hang on tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna ride that pony real, real fast—and this rodeo’s just gettin’ started!

Yeah, Baby!

Love ya,  


Sign up for Kayce’s newsletter so you don't miss any of the shenanigans—and be sure to forward the link to all your friends. What's a party without friends?

NEWSLETTER SIGNUP


Friday, December 1, 2017

WOO HOO...NEW CHRISTMAS RELEASE!

Hey, gang, the Butterscotch Martini Girls have a new release out TODAY!  Check it out...


Four brand spanking new Christmas stories to warm your heart by four of the BMGs -- Tia Dani, Tina Gerow, Tina Swayzee McCright, and yours truly...all for only 99 cents!  It just don't get no better than that.  

Get your copy today at any of your favorite outlets.










Christmas In Garland Creek

Butterscotch Martini Shots, Volume 4 

Four new heart-warming Christmas stories from the Butterscotch Martini Girls. This box set features a collection of new holiday tales of Christmas in Garland Creek, Arizona, from Kayce Lassiter, Tia Dani, Tina Gerow, and Tina Swayzee McCright. The heat level for this set runs from sweet to low.

Garland Creek Cowboy by Kayce Lassiter
Devin Douglas finds his world turned upside down when his high school flame returns to town for Christmas after a sixteen-year absence. Melayna Gaines had turned down Devin’s marriage proposal and fled town like her tail was on fire. Now she’s back and the two must work together to save Devin’s fifteen-year-old daughter who has fallen off a cliff and is stuck at the bottom of a canyon with a mountain lion and a broken ankle. Can Melayna put aside her dreams of international travel to stay in Garland Creek with Devin? Is she prepared to take on another woman’s teenage daughter? Is Devin destined to pick up the pieces of another devastating rejection? Or will the magic of Christmas in Garland Creek give these two star-crossed lovers a second chance at love?

Her Christmas Wish by Tia Dani
There’s Christmas magic in Garland Creek and it comes from more than just the holiday season. Disillusioned with her life, architect, Kandee Harding, accepts an interview in Garland Creek, Arizona for a lucrative position with Anderson Holdings. Unbeknownst to her, there’s more coming than a career move. Sam Ralston, a restaurant supply owner, arrives at the same time to fix a problem at a newly-opened resort. Soon they become involved in a scheme of payback, a discovery of the past, and a deadly sabotage lurking behind the Christmas Spirit.

Mom for Christmas by Tina Gerow
Brock Turner doesn’t believe the holiday magic of the tiny town of Garland Creek can grant his Christmas wish, but fate works in mysterious ways. Brock’s wish is to have his mom with him through the holidays. However, she tragically loses her battle to cancer just days before Christmas... But not before she tells him he’s adopted. Her wish is for Brock to find his birth mother, and he promises he will do everything he can. Nurse Anastasia Callahan has been a Christmas angel to Brock as she helped ease his mother’s pain during her last days. Now Anastasia and Brock must work together to answer his mother’s dying wish and locate the birth mother he never knew. Brock and Anastasia grow ever closer as the holiday magic of Garland Creek weaves its spell and just might grant his wish in a strange and mysterious way.

Walking Away With Christmas by Tina Swayzee McCright
When a string of burglaries threatens to close the newly opened Garland Creek Resort, Gina Ferari, the resort photographer, discovers her aunt is the prime suspect. After a chance meeting, Gina finds an ally, and possibly more, in Carter Hayes, a visiting lawyer. But the situation worsens when an employee disappears, Carter’s future with his law firm becomes questionable, and Gina can’t get beyond her childhood loss to learn to trust again. Can a touch of magic bring back Christmas and Gina’s happily ever after?




EXCERPT... 

Garland Creek Cowboy
    
by Kayce Lassiter

Myca slipped by the pair. “Come on, Colleen, it appears the bar is now open. “Let’s give it a whirl.”
Colleen followed her to the bar, where Myca ordered, “Two butterscotch martinis, please.”
The silver-haired bartender in starched Wranglers, a black jacket, and a red vest with a bolo tie, smiled. “Okay, ladies, but I’m just a volunteer. I don’t do this for a living.”
Myca smiled. “Seriously, Ben Monroe? We’ve known you since we were all kids together. We know who you are and what you do for a living.”
He winked. “Then you know I have no clue how to make a butterscotch martini. But tell me what’s in it,” he leaned forward flirtatiously, “and I’ll try anything for you, Myca.”
She froze and cut her gaze to the side to stare at him, then to Colleen, who gawked at Ben like he’d just pissed on the floor.
Myca put one hand on her hip. “Are you flirting with me?” She’d discovered a long time ago that the direct approach either made a guy back off, or made him even more determined. She wasn’t sure which option she hoped Ben would take. She’d decide how she felt about it after she saw which way he jumped.
Ben straightened and held her gaze as he announced, “I’ve been flirting with you since you were sixteen years old. It’s about time you noticed.”
Huh, really didn’t expect him to jump that way.
The only thing she could think to say was, “Well, let’s see how good you are at bartending. That might make up my mind.”
Then she turned to Colleen and growled, “You can close your mouth now.”
Colleen snapped her jaw shut, but continued to stare.
He picked up the drink shaker. “Shoot.”
Myca stepped forward and leaned on the bar. “Okay, four jiggers of Buttershots, four jiggers of Bailey’s, and two jiggers of vanilla vodka.”
He tipped his head to the side. “That’s ten shots of booze.  How many martinis am I making.”
Myca scowled at him. “You are making two martinis.” She extended her hand across the bar and pointed to the shelf below. “And you’re going to use the two large martini glasses I put down there earlier.”
He raised a brow, but said nothing, simply reaching for the martini glasses, which were much larger than the glasses the resort had provided.
Ben smiled. “Maybe I should join you,” he teased as he poured the shots.
Myca glanced up at him. “If you’re going to join us, you’d better put more booze in the shaker.”
Ben Monroe laughed as he dumped in some ice, shook the container, and poured two very full martinis. He slid them across the bar. “Enjoy, ladies.” Then he leaned close and lowered his voice as he addressed Myca. “And be sure you come back and see me when you’ve finished that drink.”
She could feel her face heat, as she shot back a snappy retort. “Of course, we’ll be back. This is only our first drink.”
* * *

          Devin watched as his grandmother and Melayna’s turned away from the bar. “You suppose those two will stay sober tonight?”
          Melayna laughed. “Not a chance.” She pointed at them. “Those glasses are way full.”
          He groaned, then met her gaze. “I recognize those drinks. They’re butterscotch martinis, and they are all alcohol.” He shifted his gaze back to the grandmothers. “And it would appear they have brought their own glasses, which are twice the size of the martini glasses the hotel provided.”
          Melayna snorted. She covered her mouth with her hand. “Sorry. I’m just picturing the two of them fighting over a toilet to puke in.” 
          “Oh, let’s don’t go there. I don’t even want to think about that.”


GET YOUR COPY TODAY

(Watch for the print version, which will be available at Amazon within the next few days.)






(Also available at other online retailers.)



Friday, September 9, 2016

Witches, Gargoyles, Shifters...Oh, My!

Woo Hoo!!!  I am celebrating my butt off at this end because I have a new story coming out in Volume 2 of the Butterscotch Martini Shots series.  This box set is titled, BodyGuard, and contains four stories from four of the BMGs.  Can you say “Yeah?!”

The anchor story in this box set is a previously published, and wildly popular, story from the amazing Jennifer Ashley—titled BodyGuard.  I know…awesome how that worked out, right?  LOL
So here’s the new cover…

 …created by yours truly.  Uh-huh!  Hope you love it as much as I do.

The four authors in this set are Jennifer Ashley, Calista Fox, Tia Dani, and me, and I am ecstatic to be running in such incredible company—what talent!

The story officially releases on September 20th, but it is...

Click here NOW to pre-order!  


The pre-order link is finally live, so go order your copy now—and it will ship on September 20th.  And while you are there, you will want to order a copy of Volume 1 – Roses and Rodeo, if you haven’t already got a copy.


Oh, and I almost forgot...You are invited to our Book Release Party on Saturday.  You can search Facebook for Butterscotch Martini Girls LET'S PARTY Spectacular!  Or you can try this link...who knows, it might work.  LOL  And if all else fails, send me a note and I'll send you an invitation.  Have I mentioned it's been a very strange day full of strange glitches?  

Below are some quick story blurbs on the four stories included in this set, followed by an excerpt from my story, Witch’s Pass.  For those of you who have read my Delta Jane Series, you will find this series to be very similar, in that it is light and humorous.  But this time we have fun witches instead of a fun fairy godmother.  Witch’s Pass is a novella-length story that introduces some of the quirky characters you will learn more about in the full-length novels scheduled to begin coming out in 2017.

Enjoy…and don’t forget to order your copy today.  That’s my story, fun and funky, and I’m stickin’ to it.  Hang on tight now, ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

 



Love ya,

Kayce





Jennifer Ashley
BodyGuard (Shifters Unbound Series)
Elizabeth Chapman is saved from an armed robber by a giant Kodiak bear who shifts
into a large, well-muscled, and fully naked human male. Ronan, the Bear Shifter, takes
her to Shiftertown for safety, where Elizabeth learns that the mateless Ronan, alone in
the world, takes care of Shifters who have also been left on their own. Now, Ronan will
only let Elizabeth leave the confines of Shiftertown if he becomes her 24/7 bodyguard.

Calista Fox
Rise of the Damned (Forever Mine Series)
For centuries, Kage Deville has sworn to protect the mortal soul of Taelyn Abrams—even
though it means watching her die. He’s a demon fighting to keep two worlds from clashing
and she’s a human slayer summoned to life when the threat to the mortals becomes too
great. But something has gone wrong with the resurrection and unless Taelyn's memory
of her true mission returns, a world will be doomed and she will be forever lost to Kage…

Kayce Lassiter
Witch‘s Pass (SpellMaker Series)
Witch princess, Quayk SpellMaker, is in a battle of wills with her father over an
“arranged” marriage to a man she hates. Does she settle for a loveless marriage? Or
risk being without a mate and alone forever?  Gargoyle shifter, Alex McCall, is assigned
to guard Quayk and make sure she marries. But the more time he spends ensuring
Quayk marries another, the more he is drawn to the beautiful, quirky witch.

Tia Dani
Next To Die
Amanda Jackson relocates to Arizona with her new husband. Despite warnings
from a girlfriend, she can’t believe an obsessed psychopath is after her. Until she
sees her name and the words…next to die. To appease his sister, bodyguard Rick
DeLuca reluctantly agrees to keep an eye on Amanda. The dangerous mess he
uncovers reveals an ugly truth. Her perfect husband isn’t who he pretends to be.



Excerpt…Witch’s Pass By Kayce Lassiter

As a princess from a very powerful family, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility that a coven of witches had kidnapped her and had stirred up an electrical storm to impede the search and cover their trail.
While Alex didn’t think that was the case, it would be impossible for a single witch to bring down an electrical storm, so the timing of a magical storm forced him to consider the possibility this wasn’t what it appeared.
He was determined to follow the trail as long as he could, and keep an eye out for a place to wait out the storm, just in case.
In less than five minutes, the storm raged so badly he could no longer ignore it.  Trees were whipped around by the high winds, and the thunder was so loud he could sense the rumble under his feet.
Alex began to look around in earnest for a place to ride it out.  He considered shifting back, but decided with all the debris being tossed around, it was safer in his “rubber skin”, as the team called it.
While Alex’s skin never hardened to the marble finish other gargoyles experienced, his pliable skin was still tough and couldn’t be cut, punctured, shot, or penetrated by any weapon he’d ever encountered.  So he was still better protected as a gargoyle than as a human.  And the advantage he had over other gargoyles is that in a pliable form, he could still move, while they were rooted to one spot.
As he searched for a cave, or a rock outcropping where he could lay low and avoid lightning strikes, he caught movement from the corner of his eye and whipped his head back to see what it was.
At first, he thought there was nothing there.  But after a few seconds, he noticed a slight movement in his peripheral vision.  When he turned his head to look at the area straight on, it was almost like the air had a translucent finish as it shimmered in the wind.  As he stared, trying to figure out what to do about it, there was a blinding flash of light that forced him to look away momentarily.
When he looked back, the spot was gone.  Instead, there was a woman on the ground who sputtered as she cursed like a sailor, arms and legs flailing as she screamed at the top of her lungs.
Alex was still in his shifted form, and blended into the background, so she hadn’t noticed him.
“Son-of-a-bitch!  You stupid stink weed.”  The woman flailed her arms and legs like a turtle stuck on its back as she fought to stand with a massively heavy pack on her back.
He shifted back to his human form so he had all of his senses, and smiled as he recognized the stunning young woman.
Quayk SpellMaker.
She still hadn’t noticed him, as she continued to issue threats and curse at whatever had pissed her off.
“I will get even with you, so help me, I swear I will.  I’ll set you on fire and I’ll take the hedge trimmers to you, and I’ll…I’ll set you on fire again.”
She finally managed to get her pack off her shoulders and bolted to her feet.  Her cowgirl hat flew off her head and she caught it neatly with one hand as she pulled twigs and leaves from her tangled black hair with the other, still cursing and stomping her feet.
When she finally looked up and saw Alex, she froze.
He smiled.  “Miss SpellMaker, I presume.”
“Who the hell are you?”  She reached for her pack, clearly reluctant to leave it behind.
Alex took a slow step closer, approaching her like he would a scared colt.
Her gaze was wild and she was poised to run, but she wasn’t scared.  She was determined not to be caught.  He could read it in her eyes.
She was the most magnificent woman he’d ever seen.  Her huge ice-blue eyes flashed fire and her thick black hair was wild around her face as she stood in shorts and pink cowgirl boots, with long tanned legs, and her hat in hand.
It was like a punch to the gut, and he swallowed hard to ease the lump in his throat.
This woman is my target.  Her father is my client, not to mention she’s a princess and he’s the freaking King of SpellMaker.
Quayk shifted slightly to get a better hold on her pack.
“Now, Miss SpellMaker, I am not here to hurt you.  But I won’t let you run.  Your family hired me to find you, and I intend to take you home.  So please—don’t try to run.  You’ll jus—.”
She bolted, abandoning the pack in favor of freedom.
“Shit!”  Alex took off after her, shocked at how fast the woman could move.  As she slipped through the forest easily, he was forced to crash through like a bull in a china shop.
As they ran, the storm picked up strength.  The trees were bent almost to the ground and limbs crashed down around them as Quayk continued to put more and more distance between them.
Alex tried to call to her, to warn her this was a magical storm, and extremely dangerous.  He doubted she could hear him.
Suddenly and ear-splitting crack sounded and he watched as a tree began to fall toward Quayk as she bolted through the forest, unaware.
He screamed, “Quayk, look out!”
She must have heard him because she looked back over her shoulder.  Her eyes grew round and she tried to outrun the tree, but he watched as the canopy of the huge pine engulfed her slender body.
Alex hurried toward where he’d last seen her.  He half crawled and half ran, as he scrambled over and through branches to reach her.
Finally, he saw a flash of pink beneath the tree, and he made his way over to the woman as she lay face-down beneath a branch.
When he finally managed to reach Quayk, the first thing he did was check for a pulse.  Strong.  He looked around and didn’t see any blood.
Maybe she just got knocked out.
He pulled a knife from his belt and began to cut branches to free the girl, as lightning flashed close enough to make the hair on his body stand out.
“Shit.”  He talked as he worked to free her.  “Quayk, come on, you have to wake up.  We have to get you out of here.  This storm is dangerous.  Come on, girl, talk to me.  Wake up.”
She groaned.
With the last branch pulled away, he was still afraid to move her, unsure what he would find when he turned her over.
He leaned close.  “Quayk, can you hear me?  Are you hurt?  Can you move?”
“No,” she mumbled with her face still pushed into the ground.
“No what?”  He asked.  “No, you’re not hurt, or no, you can’t move?”
He heard her drag in a ragged breath.  “No, I don’t want to move.  Go away.”
“All right, that’s enough.”  Anger and relief warred inside him—anger at how close she’d come to being killed, and relief that she hadn’t.  He took her snarky response as an indication she was okay.
Standing, he reached down and grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her up until she could get her feet under her.
She grunted, but didn’t scream out in pain.  So as soon as she was able to stand, he bent over and swooped her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
She screamed, but he sensed no pain in the scream, so he started off in search of a place to hide from the storm as she began to kick and buck on his shoulder.
“Put me down, you Neanderthal.  I am not going home.  I’m fine.”
He reached up with his free hand and paddled her on the butt.  “Hold still or I’ll tie you up with a vine and leave you out here to drown in this storm.”
She stopped fighting.  “You’re crazy.  It’s not even raining.”
“It will be.  This storm isn’t natural.  It’s magical, and seems set on killing both of us.”
With that, another bolt of lightning struck the ground at the far side of the clearing.  Quayk screamed loud enough to blow out an eardrum, and Alex crashed through the bushes in the opposite direction as he tried to hold onto the bucking woman on his shoulder.
“Hold still!”  She was getting heavier, and harder to hold onto.
“Cave,” she shrieked.
He froze.  “What?”
She pointed off to the right and screamed again, “Cave.”
He looked in the direction she pointed as a branch crashed down behind him.  “There’s a cave over there?”

“Yes, you idiot.  Get moving or put me down before you kill both of us.”  She bucked again, but he held tight.

Friday, June 24, 2016

Stupid Rides Again!


Hey guys, good to see you here one more time.  I missed ya!

Okay, my last blog was on stupidity, and when I get on a rant, I don’t give up easily.  LOL  So when stumped for a topic to blog about this week, I went out and researched quotes on stupidity.  I’m sad to report that it must be very alive and well because there were lots and lots of quotes—some serious, some boring, some funny.  So I’m gonna try to skip the boring ones, go light on the serious ones, and have fun with the funny ones…cuz who don’t love a stupid story?

The first one I ran across was a serious one, but it is sooooooooooo true!

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
~Albert Einstein


Albert Einstein was a smart man who, sadly, apparently encountered plenty of stupidity.  Guess that’s something we have in common.  LOL

Another very interesting quote I found is one that I’m sure originated in redneck territory…

It is a wise man who knows where courage ends and stupidity begins.
~Jerome Cady


I’m pretty sure this behavior was immediate preceded by the statement, “Here, hold my beer and watch this.”  We all know how that one ended…something blew up and someone wound up with either a concussion, a nail in his head, or smashed nuts.  Don’t kid yourself…stupidity is not a victimless crime!

In keeping with the insanity of this year’s election, I even found a quote on stupidity in politics.  I know…say it ain’t so! 

In politics stupidity is not a handicap.
~Napoleon Bonaparte


Yep, there’s even stupidity among those we elect to office...and it’s not a new thing ‘cuz this guy died in 1821.  By my calculation, that would make stupidity almost 200 years old.  Hmmm…I wonder exactly how old it is.  In any case, it sounds like this year’s election doesn’t have the market cornered on stupid.

Okay, I was starting to feel a little bad about making light of stupidity…after all, some people can’t help it.  But then I found his quote…

Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn't misuse it.
~Pope John Paul II


Seriously?  Even the Pope got in on it?  I think this one goes back to another quote I heard years ago that went something like this…”God must have loved stupid people because he sure made a lot of them.” 

No ugly letters or emails, please.  Just funnin’.  Besides, I didn’t make these up…so don’t shoot the messenger.

Okay, so here’s another one that I’m pretty sure generally involves large quantities of alcohol.

We never really know what stupidity is until we have experimented on ourselves.
~Paul Gauguin


Has anyone read any of the stories about men who try things out on themselves?  If not, there’s a link at the bottom of this blog to another site with a fabulous story about a man who tried out a Tazer on himself.  You’ll have to check it out!  It will make you cry, it’s so funny.  Not sure if this particular story is true or not, but you know someone somewhere did this. You know they did!

Okay, those are some of the more serious quotes.  Now here are some fun ones I found.

Scientists say the world is made up of Protons, Neurons, and Electrons. 
Hell, they forgot to mention Morons.
~Aunty Acid

Don’t you love Aunty Acid?  I do!  She’s so sarcastic…and here’s another one of my sarcastic heroes.

Do I call a doctor if my date’s stupidity lasts for more than 4 hours?
~ Maxine

Hell, I’ve been on that date!  Really.  If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’.  Those of you who know me know it’s the truth.  Four hours of stupid ain’t nuthin’ for some of the guys I’ve been out with.


Okay, ever seen some idiot screech into the handicapped parking spot, jump out of his car, and jog into the convenience store, with not a single handicapped parking permit anywhere in sight on his vehicle?  Betcha wish you’d left this note on his car.

Stupidity is NOT a handicap!  Park elsewhere!
~found on ifunny.com

Although I might argue that stupidity IS a handicap…just not one they issue parking stickers for.


Okay, here are some more funny quotes that speak for themselves…

I’m pretty sure if I smacked the stupid out of you, there wouldn’t be anything left.
~found on quotesgram.com

Without stupid people, we would have no one to laugh at.
~found on pinterest.com

I’m not saying you’re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
~your ecards

Stupidity should be painful.
~unknown

I really like that last one.  Just picture it…sorta like the Tazer thing…be stupid, get zapped.  Not sure it’d stop some of them, but it might make it more fun to watch.  LOL

The best advice I found on how to deal with stupid people is this one…

Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
~Mark Twain

Easy peasy…don’t argue.  Walk away.  Ignore them.  I know…I can’t either.  But it’s good advice if you have the willpower.

Okay, for those times when you simply cannot walk away…someone is too stupid to live...there is a legitimate response.

I’m allergic to stupidity.  I break out in sarcasm.
~unknown

It shoulda been me that said that one because I’m definitely allergic, and sarcasm is my go-to response.  Sometimes it pops right outta my mouth and sometimes (when I’m in better form), it results in the eye roll.  When it’s totally stupid and or hurtful or interfering with my life, I break out the stink-eye.

Now, I’d like to tell you there is a cure for it, but there’s not.  In fact, I found this quote, which means it’s even worse than I’d thought…

…there's no rehab for stupidity.
~Chris Rock

Now, that’s just sad.  No cure AND no rehab? 

So there it is.  In a nutshell, we’ve learned that stupidity has no limits, it can be found beyond where courage ends, it’s not a victimless crime or a handicap in politics, it’s a misused gift from God, it requires experimentation by Morons, a doctor should be called if it lasts more than 4 hours, it should be painful, it’s not curable and there’s no rehab.

Is there at least some sort of treatment for the symptoms that isn’t found in the Smith & Wesson catalog?  Nope.  Not really.  But one smart gal has a recommendation that I plan to adopt right away.

I really need to stop saying, “How stupid can you be?”  Some people are starting to take it as a personal challenge.
~your ecards



And don’t go thinking that “hair of the dog” is gonna help either.  I think this guy mighta tried that once, otherwise how would he know this?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
~Will Rogers

He tried it...you know he did.  I wonder if there's video somewhere.  Probably not...no cell phones back then.

So…always be aware of your surroundings, be alert, and don’t dawdle when you run errands.  They just might be waiting in the parking lot, at the convenience store, at the bank, in the coffee shop, or even in your own household.  And remember…the only treatments are avoidance, sarcasm, and the stink-eye.  Don’t be afraid to use them!

That’s my story, stinky and stupid, and I’m stickin’ to it.  So hang on tight now, ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,

Kayce

I promised ya’all a story about a Tazer…here’s the link.  But don’t forget to leave me a comment before you go!

http://www.dailycognition.com/index.php/2009/02/21/story-of-husband-who-self-taser-ed-himself.html