CHUBBY GIRLS IN PRETTY NECKLACES AND PISSED OFF LONGHORNS.

Hi there!  Good to see ya’all back again.  I haven’t see you since last year!  LOL  Hope your New Year is off to a great start, and I hope you enjoy these silly pet tales.  We’ve all got ‘em, but these are some good ones.

I recently read a story on the internet about a guy who loved cutting his grass with his riding lawn tractor.  He would wave to the neighbors and drink a cold beverage as he worked, and was very proud of his ingenuity. Then one afternoon when he got on the tractor to work, the key was missing from the ignition.  After blaming absolutely everyone in the household for taking the key, he finally gave up and resorted to mowing the yard with the push mower.  This went on for two months before their dog finally dug up the key that she had stolen from the mower and buried.  Good dog!  Could be worse…at least she buried it and didn’t eat it…that’s a whole different return routine that ain’t pretty.

Apparently, the same dog later racked up a large vet bill for the family when she decided to see what fish bait smelled like and she lodged a treble hook inside her nose.  The owner now keeps the very expensive fish hook next to the dog’s picture…and there’s probably a hook on the wall next to it with the tractor key.

Speaking of fish hooks, I have a friend who used to own a gorgeous female Samoyed who decided to see what fish bait tasted like.  Fortunately, my friend lived with a veterinarian, so removing the fish hook from the dog’s throat was free to her.  LOL  Moral of the story…be careful where you leave your hook, you never know who or what you are baiting.  Hmmm…that’s good advice even if you don’t own an animal or fish.  Just sayin…

When my son was a baby, we owned a Basset Hound named Connie who absolutely adored the baby.  One day while I was cooking dinner, I put my son in the baby swing and wound it up.  He loved to swing and would sit for hours in that thing as long as you kept it wound up and swinging.  So I’m cooking away and I hear him giggling up a storm behind me.  So I turn and look and what I see is the baby swinging to and fro in the swing.  Connie has figured out just how far the swing comes forward and she is sitting just at the edge of its path.  The kid comes forward and the dog licks his face.  The kid laughs all the way to the back of the swing’s path and then a he starts to approach the dog again, he closes his eyes and scrunches up his face which earns him another lick.  At the time, I was horrified that the dog was licking the baby on the mouth.  Knowing what I know today (as a grandmother) about the dirt and germs that kids manage to survive, I’d probably stop to take a picture.  I’ve always regretted I didn’t have pictures of that!  What?  It was cute.

Another article I read on the internet was about a Bulldog that got a cat door stuck on her head.  Apparently, she’d seen the love of her life passing outside and was in a hurry to catch up with this male specimen of a dog.  So she barreled into the cat door, which was only large enough to fit her head through it, but not large enough to allow her entire body to pass through—or to allow her to back her head out.  (She was a chubby girl.  So what?  Don’t DIS the BBW!)  So, anyway, when she panicked and pulled, the cat door came out of the wall, and she now wore it like a necklace.  The fire department was called to help get the necklace off the little strumpet, and the family is now waiting to see if she’s in the “family way”. Because, apparently, the love of her life came back to investigate when he heard the noise.  Oh, look, there’s a hole in the wall and a beautiful girl in a pretty necklace!  I think I’ll just go in and have a visit.  It’s always the pretty necklace that gets the girl in trouble, ain’t it?

The story of the Bulldog wearing the cat door reminded me of something I actually saw in my neighborhood.  The people who live behind me have several beautiful longhorns.  They are incredible animals to watch.  Those horns are H-U-G-E, and I always wondered if they ever catch them on anything.  Well, I can tell you now that…YES…they do!  Apparently one of the longhorns decided one day that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence (because it always is)…or maybe he had a hard-to-reach itch and decided the gate would be the perfect place to scratch it.  In any case, what ensued was this poor animal getting those H-U-G-E horns caught in the gate.  Did I mention these longhorns are enormous animals?  Well, they are, and they are incredibly strong because this guy with the stuck horns freaked out and pulled the gate clean off the hinges.  Only his plan didn’t work out so well because he got the gate loose from the fence, but it was now stuck on his head.  How do you get a gate off the horns of a pissed off longhorn?  You don’t.  You wait for the pissed off steer to work it loose and dump it on his own…or until he’s so stinking tired of carting that six-foot gate around with him everywhere he goes that he just lays there while you sneak up on him and work it free.  Don’t worry…the gate did come off the longhorn and the bovine is just fine.  Can’t say the same for the gate.  And it was yet another missed photo op.  I was so fascinated watching that enormous steer with a big gate stuck on his head that it never occurred to me to get a picture.  Dammit!

Well, those are my silly pet stories.  Be sure you grab a cup of coffee and check out the Butterscotch Martini Girls’ Blab on Funniest Pet Stories…there are lots more where these came from.  You can hear all about mothers who buy snakes, zombie onions, peeing puppies, kitties who crap ribbons, cats flossing in all the wrong places, goats picked up for breaking and entering, marshmallow the pig, lap goats, gramma kitty litter, and roof dogs.  You do NOT want to miss this blog!

BMG Blabs

While you're there, check out our other blabs.  I think you will be highly entertained!

Oh, and while I’m sharing…I posted another blog earlier this week over at the Phoenix Publishing and Book Promotion site all about the yearly mammogram that I think you will enjoy.

Phoenix Publishing and Book Promotion

Enjoy your New Year!

That’s my story, silly and petty, and I’m stickin’ to it!  Hang on tight now, ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love Ya,

Kayce

Merry Christmas and Bad Tattoos!

Woo Hoo!  It's Christmas, folks.  Well, I know ya'all are very busy having way too much fun today, so I'm going to keep this short and sweet.  First, let me wish you all a very...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I so hope that Santa brings you everything your little heart desires...and then some...maybe some stuff you never knew you always wanted!

Then I'm going to tell you that the Butterscotch Martini Girls got a bit carried away this week on their Blab talking about Bad Tattoos...like this Bad Santa Tattoo.  Really?  Who does that to Santa?  Anyway, when the morning gift-shredding is over and the kids are outside playing with their new bikes, trikes, and archery equipment (which my grandsons got this Christmas), be sure you pour yourself a cup of spiked Eggnog and click on this link to watch the nonsense we dug up on bad tattoos. Some of it is pretty damn funny.  

The BMG's on Bad Tattoos.

Well, that's my story, short and sweet, and I'm stickin' to it.  Hang on tight now, 'cuz we're gonna go real, real fast.

Love Ya and hope you all have a magical Christmas!Kayce

TEAS, BLABS, BAD DATES, SANDWICHES, AND KEVIN.

Hey guys!  See me waving.  Well, here we are again at blog day and, as usual, Kayce has nothing special to write about…no new book release, no big announcements, no duck stories…but I do have some recommendations for you.  Woo Hoo!

First, let me tell you about one of the best eating experiences of my life.  Today I met Cheyenne McCray, Jordan Summers, and Tina Gerow for High Tea at the Arizona Biltmore.  Holy freaking cow!!!  They have a High Tea Sommelier named Kevin who not only serves food and desserts to die for, but he entertains his customers at the same time.  What a show he put on!

First, Kevin gave us an extremely informed rundown of the fabulous teas that were available for us to sample.  Now, keep in mind that we’ve done high tea at several other top-tier resorts in the Phoenix area and most of them will bring you a pot of whatever tea you would like and you generally stay with it throughout the meal, sharing amongst yourselves.  But Kevin brought us at least 6 different teas to try and if we’d asked for 6 more, he would have brought that also.

Once we had our wonderful teas, out came two towers of to-die-for finger sandwiches, scones, and enough fabulous desserts to put you in a sugar coma!  I am telling you, we ate until we thought we’d split right in two.  And the entire time, Kevin is giving us the run-down on the food, the teas, the desserts—making recommendations on what we should try.  Keep in mind that at the other resorts we tried, high tea was a wonderful experience.  But Kevin truly made high tea at the Biltmore an adventure!  In fact, when one of us indicated that one pot of tea would be sufficient, Kevin said oh, no.  He wanted the whole adventure for us.  Now, how often does your server insist that you have the full adventure?  Uh…can you say never?

Now, any dining experience often involves a trip to the ladies room, and it can be a real adventure to find one in a large establishment like the Biltmore.  You flag down a server, ask where the ladies room is, and he/she will point in the direction of the hallway and tell you to take two lefts and a right…and you wander for 10 minutes trying to remember if it was two lefts and a right or two rights and a left.  Not at the Biltmore.  When I stood to go to the ladies room, I didn’t even have to ask.  Kevin stepped to my side and actually showed me the way.  He led me all the way to the last turn and then sent me on alone.  What a gem!!!

So long story short, if you ever want to experience the best High Tea in town, you call the Arizona Biltmore and make a reservation.  Kevin will make you feel like your table is the only one in the restaurant.  Tell him the authors sent you.  

Here's the link, make your reservation now!

Now, you might wonder what this has to do with blabs and bad dates…well, not a damn thing.  LOL  The blabs and bad dates are a whole other experience.  As you might have read a couple of weeks

ago, the Butterscotch Martini Girls have started doing a weekly Book Blab.  Only, so far, we haven’t talked about books much.  This week’s blab is on dating do’s and don’ts.  So follow this link and listen to our silly and strange dating stories.  I think you will enjoy it.  And for the first person who watches the blab and leaves me a comment here telling me what I was drinking this week (and you must be specific), I will give you a free eCopy of Loons of a Feather—or if you already have it, we will find an eBook from one of the other BMG’s that you don’t yet have.

Link to the Butterscotch Martini Girls Blab.

Well, that’s my story, delicious and delirious, and I’m stickin’ to it.  Hold on tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,

Kayce

WHAT DO LOGOS, BLABS, AND BOXED SETS ALL HAVE IN COMMON?

Hey there.  How are ya’all today?  Good, I hope!  Well, this has been a VERY busy week and continues to kick my butt.  LOL  So I’m going to keep today’s blog kinda short.  But the answer to the question “What do logos, blabs, and boxed sets all have in common?” is…The Butterscotch Martini Girls!!!

First, I want to tell you about something new that the Butterscotch Martini Girls are doing and then I’m going to leave you with an excerpt from my next novel to be released the end of November, One Dog Too Many.

Well, as most of you know, I am a member of a promo group called the Butterscotch Martini Girls, and we have really kicked this thing into high gear and are trying some new stuff on our blogs and in our promo activities.  So we’ve had a couple of weeks with a lot of new things happening.  First, we partnered with Cheyenne McCray’s Place on Facebook and executed a Blog Heist, where we basically took over Cheyenne’s blog for a full day.  There were prizes and fun new videos, and we rolled out some new logos that I have been designing.  We have a new mascot logo for the entire group, and we are also building individualized logos for each of the BMG’s.  This one shown here is the new mascot logo.  Like it?  You will need to watch our website to see the other new logos as they roll out…there will be one for each BMG.  It’s very fun and exciting for us as we customize our new logos to our individual brands.  Check back regularly to see whose new logo pops up at the  BMG Website.

The second new thing the BMG’s are doing is a weekly internet show called The Butterscotch Martini Girls Book Blab.  There is a cool new “thing” out in the social media universe that is like a video chat room on steroids, and it’s called Blab.  You get to it by typing Blab.im into your web browser and it takes you to a world where you can choose from hundreds (or maybe thousands) of internet discussions and you can watch live or, in some cases, you can join the discussion if there is room and you are approved by the moderator.  Anyway, it’s where the BMG’s are getting together each week to talk about whatever.  This past week the topic was Worst Dates, and we there were some doosies.  We had an absolute ball and we would love to have you join us each Wednesday at 4pm (Arizona time) at Blab.im.  Just go to the site a little before air time and follow the directions to sign in using your Twitter account.  Then scroll down until you find the picture related to the BMG Book Blab.

So take a few minutes when you finish reading this article to pop on over to the BMG website at the following link…

 Butterscotch Martini Girl Blab Recorded

…and view the recorded episode entitled “Worst Dates”, and don’t forget to scroll down to get a chuckle from some of the tweets that were going out while we were on the air.  In fact, our very own Lexi Post was mentioned in the show.  Can you find where she was mentioned in the video?  Maybe you can tell me how many hats I said she has?  (Not sure if I remembered the number correctly or not, so you will have to actually watch the Book Blab video to find the number.  But if you find it and you are the first person to leave a comment here with the number I quoted in the Book Blab, I will give you a free eCopy of one of my books…your choice which one.

Now, I said I would also give you an excerpt from my current work in progress, which is due to be released in late November—One Dog Too Many.  This is Book 2 in the Delta Jane Series which features a redneck fairy godmother on a Harley with a pair of lips tattooed on her ass, an inept fairy godfather in pink cowboy boots, and two love-matches that have to be made in the time it generally takes to make one.  What the hell can go wrong with that?

Someone recently challenged me to take 7 lines from page 7 of my current work in progress and post it on Facebook.  This excerpt has been expanded slightly from the 7 lines posted in the challenge, but it is still just a very short excerpt…hope you get a kick out of it.

~~~

“You just love to piss me off, don’t you, Fairy Boy?”

            A chuckle rumbled through the rafters of the porch. “Not like it’s a big challenge, Hag.”

            “Funny.” Delta had never met Call in person, so she didn’t have a clue what he looked like. But when he spoke, she pictured a small, thin guy with red, wispy hair, beady eyes, and tiny little feet and hands. It made her chuckle to picture his booming baritone coming from that wimpy image.

She pushed out with her foot and started her chair rocking. “What happened? Your tights shrink in the dryer? Puttin’ too much pressure on your brain? Or maybe this is just part of the ‘boxed set’ you guys get at birth.”

“Boxed set?” Bubba Ray squinted and tipped his head to the side. “What ‘cha talkin’ ‘bout, Sis?”

Delta stopped her chair from rocking and leaned forward. “I’m talking about stupid ideas. They come with the penis, like a boxed set wrapped under the tree on Christmas morning. Like cologne and aftershave—you get one, you get the other.”

To her total amazement, both men laughed.

Bubba Ray slapped his knee and brayed like a jackass stuck on the wrong side of a fence at dinnertime.

Delta closed her eyes and thumped her palm against her forehead.

He means well.

~~~

Now, don’t forget to go to the BMG site and view last week’s Book Blab video and then make a note on your calendar to stop by and chat with us next Wednesday at 4pm Arizona time…and watch for an upcoming announcement on the release date for One Dog Too Many.

That’s my story, boxy and blabby, and I’m stickin’ to it.  So hang on real tight now, ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,

Kayce