I logged onto the online system to update the phone number on my mom's account to my cell number. I decided to do this because I manage her finances and when there is a problem at the bank, they call her and she usually does not understand what they are talking about. But because she is nice and wants to be accommodating, she tells them whatever they want to know. Sometimes it's really the bank, sometimes it's someone she just thinks is the bank. Very confusing for her, and very risky for her finances.
A few months ago, someone hacked into her account and tried to spend her money. So the bank called and explained the problem, got a bunch of information from her, and then told her they had straightened out the situation. I was not involved in these discussions at all, so was unaware of what had transpired. Not knowing all the complexities of banking and how her account is set up, she had no clue that some of her auto-pays had been turned off when the bank declined payment while they were straightening out this mess. Or rather, she didn't know they had been turned off until the lights, phone, and TV went out. That's when I was called in to straighten things out.
So...long story short, I decide it would be best if they call me directly so the right hand knows what the left hand is doing and everything stays aligned properly. I'm the Power Of Attorney and a signer on her account, so no problem...I should be able to just log into the online system and change the phone number on the account. Oh, silly me! That would be way too easy and make just too damn much sense. LOL
So I log in and the system does allow me to change the work phone number and the mobile number, but apparently people are never allowed to change their home phone number. Really? I look at the screen and think maybe it's because the home number is listed as the primary number. Okay. So once the work number is changed to my cell number, I try to change the primary designation so that the work number is primary. Nope. Apparently that's not allowed either. Crap! All right, so now I have to call the bank
I get a guy on the phone and I explain the problem and tell him I am listed on the account as the POA and a signer. He asks me for the last 4 of my social and I give it to him. Then he asks me to confirm recent deposits and debits and I read them to him straight from the bank's online screen...because I am still logged into the online system that allowed me to change the work phone number. He tells me those amounts are not correct. Really? I tell him I'm reading them straight off their online system. So then he asks me what my login account name is and I tell him. Then he says that doesn't exist. Really? What part doesn't he understand of..."I am logged into my mother's account right now on your freaking online system with that login name"?
He says he's very sorry, but that's an invalid login id and he's not allowed to give me information on my mother's account anyway. Steam is coming out of my ears by this point and I again point out that I am the POA and I am listed as a signer on the account. He puts me on hold and goes for help. When he comes back, he has a list of questions I have to answer about myself personally. Ok. Yeah, I know the amount of my mortgage payment and yes, I can confirm that a previous employer was Honeywell and yes, I know what state issued my birth certificate. Hmmm...now he gives me a question that has multiple correct answers, but he insists there can be only one. He repeats the 4 choices...and again tells me I have to pick just one. I have to pick the right area code for my phone number ending in 5532. Really? My cell phone number and my land line both end in 5532, but they have two different area codes...which are both on his stupid freaking list!
(YES! Here's your freaking sign!)
So he puts me on hold again and goes for help one more time. When he comes back, he asks me which one I use the most. Seriously? You're going to make me guess the answer? Can't I have another question? I don't like this game...I am not having fun!
Okay, now it's clear...we're just gonna have me guess and hope I get it right. What a process! So I think hard and since I hate banks (shocker, right?), I figure I probably gave them the throwaway land line number. So I guess the area code for the land line.
Ding...ding...ding...we have a winner. Yeah. Thank you, God!!!
(Because this was truly an act of God. Textbook case, actually -- bank employee following stupid process needs impossible information from woman who already has access to system that won't work as advertised. Don't think that didn't require divine intervention!)
So now that I'm officially "ok", he goes to the personal information page and asks me what I want to change. I tell him just make the home number match the work number. He says, "Oh, that's all you needed?"
Barely after noon and already I need a drink!
And here's another brilliant piece of information I got today...the weather service just sent me an extreme heat warning as an emergency notification on my phone, complete with bells and sirens. I'm in freaking Phoenix, Arizona in August...two feet from hell and miles from water. The only place on this continent that's hotter is Death Valley. Really? I needed an emergency warning to tell me that? Wonder if the folks out in Death Valley got that warning.
(Now there's shit that don't happen everyday. Oh wait...yeah, it does.)
That's my story--idiotic and impossible--and I'm stickin' to it. Hang on real tight now, cuz we're gonna go real, real fast!