Well, first things first...I have a new release to share with ya. Yeah!!! Remember a couple of weeks ago when I revealed the cover for my new Christmas novella, A Christmas Bowser? Well, it's out now in a box set with 6 other authors for the incredible price of 99cents! Here's the cover for Romancing Christmas II, and the buy links. Be sure to get your copy...at 7 stories for 99cents, that's an incredible 14cents per story! Get it NOW.
Buy Links: Amazon Nook iBooks Kobo
Okay, now for the story I promised ya. (I'm really hoping my mother doesn't read this.) LOL
Anyway, yesterday was Momday, which is the day I go into indentured servitude to my mother. So we did 3 doctor's appointments in 3 different locations, a pharmacy trip, lunch, Michael's, and Walmart. That's a lot to squeeze into one day! But we got 'er done.
So this afternoon I'm in the doctor's office (for myself) when I get a text from my sister, who has gone over to visit my mother. Okay. No, not okay. There's an issue. It seems my mother has misplaced her teeth.
What, you ask? How can you misplace your teeth? Well, apparently it's easy because this is about the 4th time she's managed to do it. Now, no nasty letters, please. She's not completely addled or fighting off Alzheimer's. And I'm telling you, this is funny. She just doesn't have the self-discipline to put the teeth up where her dogs can't reach them. :)
So, I'm getting ahead of myself here. My sister texts me and asks me if I can call the restaurant where I took mom for lunch yesterday and ask if they found her teeth. What? Me? Why do I get to make that call? I paid for lunch. That's a double whammy. Nooooooooo...don't make me call Cracker Barrel and ask if they have mom's teeth!
Well, fortunately, I have an excuse not to call right away...remember, I'm in the doctor's office. So the doc comes in and I'm trying to carry on a coherent conversation about blood work and upcoming elbow surgery, but my mind keeps dredging up a picture of my mom's teeth in a dog's mouth...
because I'm pretty sure that's where they are. I woulda noticed if she'd left Cracker Barrel without her teeth!
But my sister is insistent that mom's roommate swears mom got home without them. So what else can I do? I drag my feet. Because I do NOT want to make that call. I suggest my sister make the call. No response. I search my truck. Nothing under the seat. Then I remember we had ice cream in the truck while we waited for one of the doctor's appointments. Maybe she put the teeth in her cup...which I threw in the trash. I'm standing in the driveway when this dawns on me and I stare at the dumpsters which are now out at the curb, and I know one of them has fresh horse manure dumped on the top of whatever trash was in there.
Now I have a dilemma. How bad do I want to avoid making that phone call. Pretty damn bad! So I walk to the dumpster and open the first one. Whew! Horst shit! I swallow hard as I open the second one, hoping for a yellow horse feed bag, which was the last trash bag I'd used in the kitchen. Eureka! There it is, on top, no horse shit on it. Yeah! Hey, don't judge me...I'm desperate here. Yes, I will dig through the trash to find my mother's teeth. But if they're under a pile of horse shit, she's buying new teeth!
So I rummage through the bag and find nothing. No ice cream cups, no teeth. Now I can't remember where I've dumped the damn ice cream cups...which may or may not contain my mother's teeth. Now I'm getting heartburn. I'm going to have to make the damn call. One more shot...another text to my sister suggesting she should make the call so she can make arrangements to pick up the teeth since she is in the area. She replies that they found the teeth. Whew! Then I wonder how long she's known where the teeth were. Was it before or after I dug through the trash? Surely she would have told me immediately, right? I'm going with that. LOL
Now, she didn't say where the teeth were found or if the dogs had them, but I know where I'm putting my money. After all, they've taken them 3 times before. Once they kept them for 3 months, and then mysteriously returned them to her bed while she was sleeping. I once asked her what happened to one of the teeth, and she replied that the dogs had chewed off one tooth. What? Seriously?
Well, I'm sure hoping they were returned in tact this time...because this set is brand new! And...I dodged a bullet and didn't have to call Cracker Barrel and ask if they found my mother's teeth. Thank You, God!
So, I'd love to hear your stories about the strangest place you've ever left/found anyone's teeth. LOL
That's my story, toothy and tortuous, and I'm stickin' to it. Hang on tight now, 'cuz we're gonna go real, real fast!
I'm glad you didn't dig through the manure rather than call Cracker Barrel! I would've teased the hell out of you for years over that one!! :) My great grandmother used to wrap her teeth in her very used hanky and put them in one bra cup - and since she was in her mid 80's - the "girls" were sort of limp and saggy, so more often than not, she'd end up walking along and stringing that hanky and the teeth behind her...poor Mammie...ReplyDelete
But she'd wash those things off with some dish soap or any other soap that happened to be handy, and just pop them right back in her mouth...
She was a really fun great grandma, I've got to say!
I told kid that when I get to that juncture just to get me the dental implants so I don't have those same issues ,because I'd end up being a thousand times worse...lol!
I have nothing. Just nothing. My great-grandmother kept her teeth in a glass on the bathroom counter, that's the extent of my story. You all just have abi-normal peeps going on.... :DReplyDelete
ROFL..........and no surprise there. :)Delete
Hi Peg. Thanks for stopping by!Delete
Very cute. At a flea market. Not the best place to find them. LolReplyDelete