HUGE THANKS to The WRANGLER Horse and Rodeo News for their permission to re-post this column originally written for their publication.
Hey gang, great to see y’all back again. Tells me you ain’t right either. But that’s okay. We’re runnin’ in good company ‘cuz there’s a whole bunch of not-right runnin’ through this crowd. Let’s see what’s ailin’ ya today.
Mares: I have a crush on a widowed cowboy who never does more than smile and wave when I ride by his place. How can an old broad get the old boy’s attention without looking silly?
Oh, you don’t want to look silly. Well, that complicates things, don’t it? Ever think maybe he smiles and waves, hoping you’ll stop and chat, but doesn’t bust a move ‘cuz he doesn’t want to look silly? You might both be sittin’ alone on the same side of the fence until hell freezes over if you don’t get off your saddle-duster and take a chance. What’s the worst that can happen? He screws it up ‘cuz he ain’t smart enough to see you’re a catch? If he’s that stupid, why would you want to ride that horse? You’ve got nothing to lose—you win the guy or dodge a bullet. Cowgirl up and ride up his driveway next time you’re in the neighborhood. On the flip-side…You can stay where it’s safe and not risk looking silly. But remember, that’s gonna get you about as far with your old guy as trying to ride sidesaddle on a pig…speaking of looking silly! Besides, pride is one of those replenishing items…you use it, you lose it, you buck up, and it comes back.
Studs: When proposing to that special Cowgirl, how much do I have to spend on a ring? Can I buy it online with free delivery?
If you plan to make it to the alter with that girl, she damn sure better mean as much to you as your horse. How much did you pay for him? Did Amazon deliver him? Or did you hook up the trailer, load your butt into the truck, and drive across the state to look at him before you chunked out lots of your hard-earned cash for the privilege of hauling that animal home? Does the woman of your dreams, your life-mate, and possibly the mother of your children, deserve to have as much spent on her as on your horse? And if you opt to have the ring delivered, buy the insurance so porch pirates don’t get the ring and the girl. On the flip-side…If you don’t make a lot and you’ve found a very understanding woman, you might get away with spending the cost of your saddle. And for those of you who don’t…keep it to yourself. DO NOT get drunk and let it slip, or you’ll be sleeping in the barn next to your horse, with your saddle for a pillow. Just sayin…
That’s my story, silly and senseless, and I’m stickin’ to it. Hang on tight now, ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!
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