Hey, ya’all, how’s everyone doin’ out
there today? Doing great at this
end! My apologies to those of you who
tuned in to read my blog last Friday and found it wasn’t there. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends to
get 2 books out this month. Got them
out, and then I took a few days off…which turned into about 10 days off…and
everything took some downtime, including my brain. I simply spaced it out. So sorry!!!
Okay, so here we are again, and I’ve got
a family reunion coming up for my dad’s side of the family. I also have a high school girlfriend staying
with me this week (from Oklahoma) so she can attend her family reunion. So I’ve got family reunions on the brain and
thought I’d do a little research on the subject and share with you what I’ve
found. Hold onto your hats…it’s redneck…I
know, shocker, huh? Let me just say that
the research I did for this article made me very grateful for the family I
have. Holy cow, there are some scary
families out there!
So, I met with some of my cousins a
couple of times in the last month to do a little party planning. The reunion will be at my house this year, so
I was relieved when everyone wanted to pitch in and help plan and bring
stuff. This family used to have reunions
every year when my grandparents and aunts and uncles were all alive, but the
reunions fell by the wayside as the older generation aged and family members
scattered to the winds. But I have like 25 first cousins on that side of the family, so there’s still a lot of family
around, and all of us are now grandparents.
So we decided it was time the next generations(s) got to know each other.
The dilemmas:
· Estranged
family members—You know,
those people who have, for one reason or another, pulled away from the family
and no longer want anything to do with anyone.
We decided to invite them, wish them well, and be surprised if they show
up. (Might have to frisk them at the
gate for weapons.)
· Alcohol—We all understand this one. Aunt Mildred tips a little too much and
flashes everyone…no one wants to see that!
(Did I mention this family's roots are in the dairy farm industry? Yeah,
that’s flashing on a whole different scale!) Okay, so I’ll have to assign
someone to watch Aunt Millie and either confiscate her flask or lock her in the
garage with it. Everyone agreed for this first
trial reunion, the alcohol should stay stowed until we figure out who (besides
Aunt Millie) are the worst offenders, and just how bad it might get. Of course, I’ll have to figure out how to
keep my flask hidden but accessible, in order to survive the insanity. LOL
Just sayin…
· The menu—Those of you who know me know that I don’t really
care. My attitude about potlucks is that
we are getting together to visit and catch up on what’s been happening with
everyone. The food is just something to
bond over. So if everyone brings green
bean casserole, that’s great…there’s plenty of green beans for everyone! But not everyone thinks the way I do, so I’m
sure there is a movement afoot to make sure the basics are covered. Works for me.
(Smile)
· Entertainment—Not worrying about it. There will be plenty of people to talk
to. And if things get boring, I just
share my flask with Aunt Millie and…voile…entertainment!
So…in the spirit of the reunion season,
I researched family reunion jokes and here are some I found.
· A family reunion is
an effective form of birth control. Hmmm…not sure exactly what this means…if it’s
just learning who your family members are so you can stay away from ‘em, or it’s
seeing what genes might be passed down if you were to reproduce.
· You might be a
redneck if you attend your family reunion to pick up chicks. I don’t even want to
think about this one! Guess I’d better
assign someone to keep an eye on my grandsons.
LOL
· You might be a
redneck if your family reunion is held at a rest area. Well, my place ain’t
a rest area, but don’t think I’d be surprised if someone decided to pee in a
trash can. Just sayin…
· Heredity: Everyone
believes in it until their children act like fools! Well, this is
something that just can’t be helped…it’s a family reunion. If you can’t show your butt to family, then
who… (nevermind…this didn’t come out on paper like it did in my head).
· We put the
"fun" in dysfunctional. I think this one will certainly come to fruition next
weekend, as I don’t think there is anyone in this family that didn’t inherit
the twisted sense of humor.
· Relatives are people
who come to dinner, who aren't friends. Well, if they aren’t
friends before they show up, I’m sure they will be by the time they leave—especially
if we can keep Aunt Millie’s shirt on her.
Now, I know you’ve all experienced the
problem of relatives who love to come to visit and maybe stay too long. Well, I tend to be pretty open and folks are
welcome to stay as long as they’d like.
If I get too tired to party, I’ll just go to bed and everyone is on
their own—just put the fire out before you leave. But I did run across a very ingenious
solution on the internet for solving the problem of too many visiting
relatives. One guy fixed the problem by
borrowing money from the rich ones and loaning it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back. I like it!
So if you’re related to me and I ask to borrow money, or offer to make
you a loan…it’s time to go. LOL
And this article would NOT be complete
without the redneck family reunion horror story…which I found (easily) on the
internet. Someone wrote in to say…
Last
time I went to a family reunion my uncle (married in) got in a knife fight with
my grandfather over who had the best barbecue sauce, two separate cousins
admitted to being knocked up by the same guy, and someone tried to use gasoline
to start a bonfire and damn near lost his trailer in the process.
Probably a good thing I don’t have a
trailer. Guess we’d better frisk Aunt
Millie for the flask and Uncle Elmer for the fish-guttin’ knife. Hmmm...now that I think about it...perhaps everyone should be frisked for weapons...especially the ones who come in curlers. They're the ones living on the edg
Be sure you watch for new releases of
my Delta Jane Series, as I’m thinking this family reunion could produce some
most excellent fodder for the next installment.
Hmmm…maybe a Delta Jane Family Reunion?
LOL
That’s my story—redneck and ridiculous—and
I’m stickin’ to it. Hang on tight now,
cuz’ we’re gonna go real, real fast!
Love ya,
Kayce
Many thanks to these sites for some of the stories and one-liners
used in this article!
