YEE HAW—KAYCE'S NEW COVER REVEAL.

Hey, guys, good to see ya'all again. I sure hope life's been super fabulous to you lately!

So, what's new at this end is that I've been writing up a storm and I am sooo excited to tell you I have a new release coming out on the 18th of this month.  It will be coming out as a stand-alone, and it will also be part of a box set with 6 other stories by 6 other authors. Fun, huh?  I'm jazzed!  And I wanted to show you my new cover, which was designed by yours truly, and give you a little blurb about the story, as well as an excerpt.

A Christmas Bowser

(Releasing October 18th)

It's a Christmas novella, continuing the escapades of fairy godmother, Delta Jane. 

STORY BLURB:

Kolton Holloway returns to his small home town in Wyoming, after the death of his mother, intending to unload an unprofitable strip mall. Unfortunately, the sale of the mall will force Harper Weston to close the doors of her wedding dress shop forever.  With these two at odds over the fate of the strip mall, Delta, has her hands full trying to make a love match between them.  Throw in a fairy godfather who thinks he’s a Christmas wedding planner, and Harper’s new puppy who is hell-bent on trashing her dress shop, and you have chaos of the highest magnitude.  Will Delta make this match in time to save the spirit of Harper’s unborn baby?  Or will the glimmer be lost forever?

I just got word that it has released earlier than expected, so here's the link to get your E-copy today!

A Christmas Bowser - $2.99

It's a fun Christmas read that I think you will enjoy.  And if you don't already have the Delta Jane series, be sure you pick up your set now so you don't miss out on a single one of Delta Jane and Bubba Ray's adventures—and the cutest puppy ever!

Be sure you scroll down to read an excerpt from A Christmas Bowser.  Hope you love it.  That's my story, super and sassy, and I'm stickin' to it.  So hang on tight now, 'cuz we're gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,

Kayce

Excerpt...A Christmas Bowser

Her younger brother, Bubba Ray, was supposed to meet her here at nine.  She was exactly on time, and as usual, it appeared he would be late.  By now, she should be used to it.  After all, it was Bubba Ray.

I swear, that boy would be late for the last flight outta hell.

She waved her right hand as she sauntered around the back of the motorcycle, and the leopard print motorcycle helmet on her head morphed into a brown cowgirl hat with a leopard print hatband.

Delta grasped the handle to the front door of the café and stopped a moment to look around.  There weren’t many places in the west Delta hadn’t been, and Dubois, Wyoming was one of them.

She couldn’t believe she’d never been here before.  It was so cute, and so western—exactly her style.  The scenery on the way in from the Grand Tetons had been so stunning, she’d found herself contemplating the purchase of a small cabin, somewhere she could escape to, in between assignments.

Who the hell am I kidding?  I don’t have any time in between assignments.

She pulled the door to the restaurant open and started to step through when she heard the high-pitched whine of a motorcycle rounding the corner, about a half-block down from the restaurant.

Delta turned her head in time to see a three-wheel motorcycle that looked like a small pink Christmas sleigh with wheels pull into the parking lot, with Bubba Ray’s fat butt plopped right in the middle of the sleigh, dressed in a pink Santa suit.

“Aw, crap,” she muttered as she let the door swing shut and she strode toward the parking lot.

As Bubba Ray shut the engine down and climbed out of the sleigh, she stabbed her fists on her hips and glared.  “Bubba Ray, I thought you said you were going to get a car.”  She pointed at the sleigh.  “That ain’t no damn car.”

A huge grin split Bubba Ray’s face as he puffed out his chest.  “I looked at cars, but then I saw this.”  He pointed a chubby finger at the huge pink trike with a fully decorated Christmas tree, complete with twinkling lights, sticking out the top of the sleigh, between the back wheels.

He continued to grin like the village idiot as he added, “Now I don’t have to ride behind you when we go down the road together.”  He looked up and met her gaze.  “Isn’t it wonderful?  It’s so Christmassy. Don’t you just love Christmas?”

She stared at the ridiculous wheeled sleigh and clamped down on what she’d been about to say.  Instead, she mumbled, “I’m starting to love it less and less.”

Bubba Ray was clearly enamored with the damn thing, and she tried to make more of an effort these days not to hurt his feelings.  But she would have to find a way to nip the pink sleigh idea in the bud. If this got back to the fairy dimension, she’d never live it down.  Bad enough her brother always wore pink and carried a stupid pink gun.

She took a closer look at Bubba Ray.

Where is his damn gun?  I thought he slept with it on.

Instead of his usual pink cowboy hat and gun belt strapped around his hips, Bubba Ray wore a pink Santa suit with a pink hat trimmed in white fur.  Of course, the suit was tucked into dark pink cowboy boots.

“You decide to lose the gun?”

Bubba Ray shook his head and grinned.  “Nope.”  He reached into a pocket on the side of the Santa suit and pulled out his pink gun.  “I made the suit so the gun belt would be hidden inside it.  Didn’t think it would look right for Santa to walk around with a firearm strapped to his hip.”

Delta stared at him for a moment before she nodded.  “Yeah, I can see where that might be an issue.”  She struggled to suppress her next words when something painted on the side of his new ride caught her attention.

Bubba Ray’s Christmas Weddings

~ Call For A Quote ~

“Seriously?”  She pinned his gaze and pointed one finger at the sign as she stamped her foot.  “What the hell is that?”  Her gut churned and she could taste acid in the back of her throat, reminding her she was dangerously low on antacids—time to order another case.

He shifted his weight to the other foot as his gaze fell to the ground, and he stuffed his hands into the front pockets of his baggy pink pants.  “You said our cover here was to be wedding planners so we could connect with the client.”

She glared, her head beginning to pound as her blood pressure shot sky-high.  “I said that was our cover...one client, one wedding…no quotes for random strangers.”

Bubba Ray slowly pulled his shoulders back and raised his head.  “Sis, this is what I want to do.  I love planning weddings, and you love making matches.  I think it’s a great cover for us, and it’s what I want to do.”

The set of his jaw and his stance made it clear he really wanted this, and nothing she said would sway him.

She pulled in a deep breath as her emotions warred inside.  She was proud of him for standing up for what he wanted.  But part of her was sad that her baby brother was finally coming into his own, and part of her wanted to choke him over these stupid hair-brained ideas.  It happened more and more these days, giving her a new appreciation for parents whose children left the nest.

Her gut clenched.  Would Bubba Ray one day leave her?

She reached out with her mind in search of her boss, Call Montgomery.

Hey Boss, please tell me he ain’t goin' anywhere.  He’s my partner.  He needs me.

Call’s baritone reverberated inside her mind.  “Delta, he’s becoming his own man, and we’ll have to take whatever comes.  Merlin is working with the Creator on some plan they have for him.  I can’t see his future.  But whatever it is, it will be what’s best for him.  You do want that, right?”

She swallowed against the lump in her throat as she resisted screaming, “Hell no!”  Of course she wanted what was best for her brother.  She just didn’t trust that those in charge loved and understood him the way she did.  “I want him safe.”

The compassion was clear in Call’s voice in her head.  “He will be.”

Delta returned her attention to Bubba Ray, who watched her intently.  She was certain he could tell she’d been talking to the boss, but he didn’t interrupt the way he used to, just waited for her focus to return to the subject at hand.

Not trusting her voice to work past the lump still lodged in her throat, she motioned for Bubba Ray to follow, and she moved toward the front door of the restaurant.

As she reached for the handle once more, Delta looked toward the parking lot to see Bubba Ray struggling to hold onto a squirming white ball of fur as he lifted it out of the sleigh.

She pointed.  “That the dog for this assignment?”

Bubba Ray nodded, his head bobbling on his shoulders.  “Yep.  This time we got an adorable little puppy.”  He met Delta’s gaze as he held the wiggling Samoyed furball up next to his face.  “Isn’t she the cutest thing?”

Delta smiled.  “Yeah, she’s a doll.”  Then she shook her head and pulled open the door to the restaurant.  “I sure hope this one’s housebroke.”

A New Release for Kayce Lassiter. Woo Hoo!

Hey guys!  How are ya'all?  Been a couple of weeks since we've talked, and am I ever stoked!  I have been working like an absolute crazy woman trying to get my latest project out the door, and I'm getting close.

The next story in the Delta Jane Series is almost ready, and should be available online by February 15th. Yeah!!!  The title is One Dog Too Many, and is Delta ever pissed off this time. The boss has gone and ordered her two glimmers, which means she has two love matches to make in the time it takes to make one.  Well, if you've read Book One, Loons of a Feather, you already know that when Delta gets pissed, the fur flies.  So be sure to stay tuned and watch for an announcement on the release date, and a sneak peek at the cover.

For those of you who live in the Phoenix area, be sure you mark your calendars to come see me at the Chocolate Affaire in Glendale on February 5-7th. I will be signing each of those days and am really working hard to have some print copies of One Dog Too Many available to sell.  Would love to see you there!

Oh, and...shhhh...there is another project that the BMG's are working on that's sooo exciting.  I can't tell you about that just yet, but keep your eyes peeled...the announcement will be out any day now.

Woo Hoo!  2016 is gonna be a F-U-N year!

Okay, so to whet your whistle for my upcoming release, below is an excerpt from One Dog Too Many. I hope you enjoy it!

That's my story, exciting and ecstatic, and I'm stickin' to it.  Hang on tight now 'cuz we're gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,
Kayce

Excerpt…One Dog Too Many

By

Kayce Lassiter

       “Well, you can kiss my ass, you flop-footed Fairy.” Delta’s hands were fisted at her sides and her southern accent flowed like thick molasses. The madder she got, the thicker her accent became.

       “Mark the spot.” Call Montgomery’s disembodied voice reverberated across the porch.

       Delta unbuttoned her jeans and dropped the back of them a few inches to expose the pair of lips she had tattooed on her ass.  “Is that clear enough for you?  Or do you need a roadmap too?”

       Call’s baritone laugh rumbled the floorboards. “Yeah, that’s good. It’s been a while since I’ve seen that tattoo. I just wanted to make sure it was still there.”

       She pulled her pants up and began to zip them as she stomped her foot on the wooden planks. “I was making love matches in these families way before you landed your gravy job as a manager. Matchmaking out here in the trenches is tough. You should try it sometime.”

       Delta’s battle with her boss never seemed to end. It pissed her off when he interfered.

       Why is it managers never understand how much effort it takes a fairy godmother to make two people fall in love? It ain’t easy, that’s for sure.

       “Working one match at a time with these hard-headed Arizona ranchers is a challenge no one but me has ever been able to handle well. That’s why they gave me these clans in the first place. To make two matches at a time with these people is damned impossible—even for me.”

       “Delta, calm down.”  The disembodied voice of her boss only threw fuel on the fire.

       When she slammed her hand against the porch post, orange sparks flew from her fingertips. “I am calm. You can’t give me two cases at once.”

       Bubba Ray, Delta’s brother and fairy failure extraordinaire, sidled away from her toward the front door of the small ranch house where they were staying in Hawkins Flat, Arizona. He couldn’t handle conflict, and was clearly afraid of getting caught in the crossfire.

       As a kid, he’d break out in a rash if Delta even looked at him cross-eyed. And here he was at the fairy age of forty-two, which was the equivalent of three-hundred-thirty in human years, and he was still shaking in his boots every time she had words with the boss.

       What a wimp.

       She shook her head at the image he made in a dark pink straw hat, a pink short-sleeve John Deere T-shirt under pink camo overall shorts, and raspberry-colored cowboy boots.

       Delta returned her attention to the battle at hand. “Call Montgomery, if you’re so damn smart, why aren’t you out here working your ass off to make these matches? You need to worry less about your spreadsheets and budget numbers, and more about saving the lives of these innocent little glimmers.”

       “Enough.”  The baritone voice reverberated across the porch and lightning crackled overhead.

       That Son-Of-A-Buck never bothers to show up in person. He just pops into our heads or barks out orders remotely and expects us to drop everything and do his bidding. He’s my boss, not my creator.

       “Oh no, I’m just getting started.”  Delta’s anger surged as she shook her fist above her head. “You’ve got me to do your dirty work, so your hands stay clean. I’ll bet you have a color-coordinated pocket protector clipped to every set of tights hanging in your closet.”

       Another bolt of lightning flashed across the sky with enough electricity to make Delta’s hair stand straight out. She groaned as she slid her gaze from side to side, and all she could see was a four-foot cloud of dark orange tresses, which she had magically dyed to match today’s outfit. Her entire body vibrated like a bed in a no-tell motel.

       The trailing clap of thunder was loud enough to make Bubba Ray flop to the ground like a bright pink fish out of water, quivering and whimpering, with his face pressed into his hands.

       “Very funny.”  Delta pawed at the cloud of hair as wind blew it in her face and static electricity crackled all around her. She lifted her cowgirl hat and re-seated it on her head, trying to contain her wild hair. “Stupid parlor tricks and lame light shows don’t scare me, mister.”

       Wind blasted her face.

       “Shit.”  Delta blinked and spit out hair as she struggled to gather her long, curly locks into one hand. “Dammit, Bubba Ray. Get up, you idiot. You know he’s nothing but hot air and bluff.”

       Frustration roared inside Delta like a fire-breathing dragon setting flame to her gut. The boss always reverted to thunder and lightning when he wanted to intimidate her. It did nothing but piss her off and scare the bejeebies out of Bubba Ray.

       She ground her teeth and stretched upright trying to ease the burn in her stomach as she reined in the urge to give her brother a good, hard tap with the toe of her pointed orange snakeskin cowgirl boots.

       “Bubba Ray, get up. That Son-Of-A-Buck isn’t gonna hurt you. He’s trying to scare me into taking on two cases to make him look good.”

       She shook her fist again. “And it is not going to work, mister. You order two glimmers at once and I will kick your skinny little fairy ass from here to Georgia. It can’t be done. So quit with the lightning.”  She patted her frizzed-out hair.  “It’s ruining my do.”

       A silence descended, so profound it rocked Delta on her heels as the wind stopped and her hair fell around her shoulders. Nothing moved. Nothing made a sound—no birds chirped in the trees, no horses whinnied in the pasture, not a single dog barked in the distance.  Not even a hint of sound from Bubba Ray as he breathed heavily and struggled to rise.

       Realization slammed into Delta like a freight train and she drew in a slow, deep breath.

       He’s already done it. That idiot has ordered two glimmers at the same time.

       Delta’s heart pounded and she slumped into the rocking chair next to the front door. “Damn you.” The life of two glimmers now depended on her resourcefulness. “How the hell am I going to keep two glimmers alive?”

       No fairy godmother as far back as she could remember had ever worked two cases at once. The risk was too high, especially with stubborn families like the ones in her portfolio.

       When the dog appeared, the glimmer attached to the collar was the spirit of a baby waiting to be born to that woman. The glimmer acted like a roadmap to find the right man. If the FGM didn’t make the match in time, the glimmer died, and the baby would never be born.

       She looked out across the pastures and raised her right hand to her head, massaging her temple with her fingers. “Why risk the life of two glimmers by doubling my workload?”

       “I didn’t order them. The two dogs just showed up on the institute’s doorstep. It seems to be the big guy’s idea.”

       Her boss’s voice held a note of concern for a change, and maybe just a hint of frustration.

       Is he getting soft? Growing a heart, maybe?

       “But two separate cases?” She couldn’t get her head around it. “I’m not Super Woman. These aren’t Italians. They don’t fall in love at the drop of a hat. To do two matches at once with these tough ranch families is insane.”

       “Delta, you’re better than you know. If anyone can pull this off, it’s you.”

       A lump lodged in her throat at the unexpected compliment. “I damn sure hope you’re right—for the sake of those babies.”

WHAT DO LOGOS, BLABS, AND BOXED SETS ALL HAVE IN COMMON?

Hey there.  How are ya’all today?  Good, I hope!  Well, this has been a VERY busy week and continues to kick my butt.  LOL  So I’m going to keep today’s blog kinda short.  But the answer to the question “What do logos, blabs, and boxed sets all have in common?” is…The Butterscotch Martini Girls!!!

First, I want to tell you about something new that the Butterscotch Martini Girls are doing and then I’m going to leave you with an excerpt from my next novel to be released the end of November, One Dog Too Many.

Well, as most of you know, I am a member of a promo group called the Butterscotch Martini Girls, and we have really kicked this thing into high gear and are trying some new stuff on our blogs and in our promo activities.  So we’ve had a couple of weeks with a lot of new things happening.  First, we partnered with Cheyenne McCray’s Place on Facebook and executed a Blog Heist, where we basically took over Cheyenne’s blog for a full day.  There were prizes and fun new videos, and we rolled out some new logos that I have been designing.  We have a new mascot logo for the entire group, and we are also building individualized logos for each of the BMG’s.  This one shown here is the new mascot logo.  Like it?  You will need to watch our website to see the other new logos as they roll out…there will be one for each BMG.  It’s very fun and exciting for us as we customize our new logos to our individual brands.  Check back regularly to see whose new logo pops up at the  BMG Website.

The second new thing the BMG’s are doing is a weekly internet show called The Butterscotch Martini Girls Book Blab.  There is a cool new “thing” out in the social media universe that is like a video chat room on steroids, and it’s called Blab.  You get to it by typing Blab.im into your web browser and it takes you to a world where you can choose from hundreds (or maybe thousands) of internet discussions and you can watch live or, in some cases, you can join the discussion if there is room and you are approved by the moderator.  Anyway, it’s where the BMG’s are getting together each week to talk about whatever.  This past week the topic was Worst Dates, and we there were some doosies.  We had an absolute ball and we would love to have you join us each Wednesday at 4pm (Arizona time) at Blab.im.  Just go to the site a little before air time and follow the directions to sign in using your Twitter account.  Then scroll down until you find the picture related to the BMG Book Blab.

So take a few minutes when you finish reading this article to pop on over to the BMG website at the following link…

 Butterscotch Martini Girl Blab Recorded

…and view the recorded episode entitled “Worst Dates”, and don’t forget to scroll down to get a chuckle from some of the tweets that were going out while we were on the air.  In fact, our very own Lexi Post was mentioned in the show.  Can you find where she was mentioned in the video?  Maybe you can tell me how many hats I said she has?  (Not sure if I remembered the number correctly or not, so you will have to actually watch the Book Blab video to find the number.  But if you find it and you are the first person to leave a comment here with the number I quoted in the Book Blab, I will give you a free eCopy of one of my books…your choice which one.

Now, I said I would also give you an excerpt from my current work in progress, which is due to be released in late November—One Dog Too Many.  This is Book 2 in the Delta Jane Series which features a redneck fairy godmother on a Harley with a pair of lips tattooed on her ass, an inept fairy godfather in pink cowboy boots, and two love-matches that have to be made in the time it generally takes to make one.  What the hell can go wrong with that?

Someone recently challenged me to take 7 lines from page 7 of my current work in progress and post it on Facebook.  This excerpt has been expanded slightly from the 7 lines posted in the challenge, but it is still just a very short excerpt…hope you get a kick out of it.

~~~

“You just love to piss me off, don’t you, Fairy Boy?”

            A chuckle rumbled through the rafters of the porch. “Not like it’s a big challenge, Hag.”

            “Funny.” Delta had never met Call in person, so she didn’t have a clue what he looked like. But when he spoke, she pictured a small, thin guy with red, wispy hair, beady eyes, and tiny little feet and hands. It made her chuckle to picture his booming baritone coming from that wimpy image.

She pushed out with her foot and started her chair rocking. “What happened? Your tights shrink in the dryer? Puttin’ too much pressure on your brain? Or maybe this is just part of the ‘boxed set’ you guys get at birth.”

“Boxed set?” Bubba Ray squinted and tipped his head to the side. “What ‘cha talkin’ ‘bout, Sis?”

Delta stopped her chair from rocking and leaned forward. “I’m talking about stupid ideas. They come with the penis, like a boxed set wrapped under the tree on Christmas morning. Like cologne and aftershave—you get one, you get the other.”

To her total amazement, both men laughed.

Bubba Ray slapped his knee and brayed like a jackass stuck on the wrong side of a fence at dinnertime.

Delta closed her eyes and thumped her palm against her forehead.

He means well.

~~~

Now, don’t forget to go to the BMG site and view last week’s Book Blab video and then make a note on your calendar to stop by and chat with us next Wednesday at 4pm Arizona time…and watch for an upcoming announcement on the release date for One Dog Too Many.

That’s my story, boxy and blabby, and I’m stickin’ to it.  So hang on real tight now, ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,

Kayce

Woo Hoo…the hinkiest fairy godmother in the universe rides again!

Delta Jane is back and Loons of a Feather is now a reality.  Yep, I made it…got it loaded, proofed, and released on time.  Was there really any doubt I would get there in time, you ask?  Well hell yes…it’s me, people!  Did you forget who you were talking to?  I’m the master procrastinator and there was much panic, many late nights, lots of bleary-eyed cursing sessions, and twisted belly pains.  But my new novel, Loons of a Feather, is finally available on Amazon.   Yeah…happy dancing across the pasture again.  Ya-Hoo!  (Throws cowgirl hat in the air.)

Link to buy:

Loons of a Feather (print or ebook)

Well, to be honest with you, the official release date is tomorrow—February 1—but if you were to go to Amazon right this very minute, it’s up and available for order.  So pass the word!  Tell your mother, your sister, your neighbor, your cousin, your niece, your grocery store clerk, your therapist, your gynecologist…tell ‘em all!!!  Wait…maybe not your therapist…Delta might not help your cause any.  J  And don’t forget to tell the guys too.  I was amazed at how many men bought a copy of Katie’s Rock and Midnight on the Double-B at my book signing last weekend…some as Valentine’s gifts for their sweetie and some as Valentine’s gifts for themselves.  So contrary to popular opinion, men DO buy romance…at least, the smart ones do.  J

Don’t forget to tell me if you like the cover or not…I designed and created it myself and I’m not above begging shamelessly for compliments.  LOL  And if you click on the link at the top, it will take you straight to the book on Amazon where you can order it either in print or e-book format.  Yeah again!

Now…if you are local and looking for a print copy, I’d much rather you come see me next weekend at the Chocolate Affaire where I will also have Katie’s Rock and Midnight on the Double-B.  (Hint:  You can get the book cheaper there at conference pricing and without the shipping charges.  Who doesn’t love cheaper?!)

In case you haven’t yet read Midnight on the Double-B and are still undecided on buying a copy of Loons of a Feather—or someone you know is still undecided—follow this link to Amazon Friday 1/31 through Monday 2/2.  The e-book version of Midnight on the Double-B will be FREE…yes, FREE…for 3 days.  Pick up your e-book, read it next week, and if you fall in love with Delta, zoom back to Amazon for your copy of Loons of a Feather…or trot over to the Chocolate Affaire next weekend and get your signed copy from yours truly.  

Midnight on the Double-B
Midnight on the Double-B (free)

Remember, Midnight on the Double-B is a short story and a fast, easy read—and it’s the precursor to Loons of a Feather, which is Book One in the Delta Jane series.  So for those of you who wanted more of Delta…here she is.  I hope you enjoy her!!!

Oh, one more thing—leave a comment here by midnight Saturday (2/1) for a chance to win a free copy of Loons of a Feather in e-book format.  So leave a comment and I will contact you when the winner has been drawn.  What could be better?  A cranky, hinky fairy godmother…and FREE.  Yeah, baby!

That’s my story, wahoo and wazoo, and I’m stickin’ to it.  Hang on tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,

Kayce

Loons of a Feather is on its way!

Well, my last blog promised I would have a cover reveal and maybe a release date…and I have part of that.  LOL  This is what the cover will look like for my new release, Loons of a Feather…

Yeah!!!  I hope you love it as much as I do…but then I designed and created it myself.  So if you hate it, please don’t tell me.  There are times when remaining in the dark ain’t so bad.  J  On the other hand, if you L-O-V-E it, tell me, tell your mother, tell all your friends…and be sure to tell them they will be able to find it on Amazon.com when it’s released. 

Now…for a release date…hell, I don’t know.  LOL  No, seriously, I don’t know.  I have been playing around over the holidays and not attending to business like I should be.  So…let’s say it’s going to be released by the end of January…okay, let’s say February 1^st.  That sounds like a good date, doesn’t it?  After all, I have to have printed copies in hand for the Chocolate Affaire in February.  So February 1^st is the date I’m going with.  The good news is that I have two more blogs due this month, the last one scheduled for the 31^st…so I have two more opportunities to confirm that release date.  Woo Hoo!

Now that we have that settled, here’s another excerpt for ya…hope you enjoy it.  And like I said before, if you do, be sure you plan to stop by the Romance Writers’ booth on Saturday or Sunday (2/8-9) and say “Hi” and pick up your signed copy…and be sure you bring enough cash for chocolate whatever you want.  The selection is decadent, to say the least.

 

Loons of a Feather  (excerpt…)

Across the street, in the shadows of a recessed storefront, Delta stood with Bubba Ray and Mac at her side.  She’d watched Shannon and Jackson leave the restaurant and round the corner earlier.  Now she waited for Michael to leave as she worked on another plan. 

With a grunt of frustration, she spoke to her brother.  “Bubba Ray, these people are gonna be the death of me.  Why the hell can’t they just roll with the program and realize they can’t make up their own rules?  Destiny has its own plan and so do I.  But they keep screwing everything up.  Just when I get the right two together, another one comes along and horns in.  I’d hate to have to put one of them in the hospital, but it’s damn tempting.”

Bubba Ray stared at her, horror written all over his cherubic face while Mac whined and bumped her leg with his wet nose.

“Yeah, I know, Mac.  It was just a thought.  Guess that’s why they have me.  But I’d much rather be sitting somewhere having a cold beer than standing here in the dark thinking up ways to throw these two together.  Hell, I’ve spent the last two days running ridiculous errands for that tight-wad Fairy just to smooth his feathers out over the fifty thou I requisitioned to cover the damages.  Now I’ve got a cop to get rid of too.  Could these people be any more of a pain-in-the-ass?  And let’s don’t forget about the old bitch that’s rattling her sword over the stupid smoking cat.  I still don’t have a clue how I’m gonna make her go away.  Fairy boy says I can’t kill her off.  Hell, that’d not only fix this case, but it’d make me feel a damn sight better.  She’s really getting on my nerves.”

There was silence as Delta tilted her head and listened to a voice only she could hear.  A moment later, she looked straight up into the dark night sky and snapped, “Oh, shut up!  I’m working myself to the bone down here and I don’t need your smart remarks.  I know performance review time is coming up.  It’ll all be resolved by then.  Just you don’t worry about it.  How’d you get your batteries recharged so fast, anyway?  Don’t you need some bed rest or something?”

A moment later, she froze as her breath hitched in her chest.  The boss had never spoken out loud to her, always just a disembodied voice in her mind, so the soft, deep baritone voice that spoke out loud took her by surprise.  She looked right to see if Bubba Ray had heard it too.  His wide eyes told her he had.  Now, this was downright embarrassing.

“Holy shit, Fairy boy, you did not just proposition me!” 

He had.  The boss had never made any kind of off-color or suggestive remark to her, had never given her any indication he might be interested in her, although it wasn’t uncommon among the fairy god folk.  Working with love matches all day long could be rather…stimulating.  But inviting her to join him in his bed and “recharge his batteries” had proposition written all over it.  Unfortunately, it also had strategic parts of her body at full attention and nodding furious agreement.  It had been a long time.

What the…

Apparently, seven decades was too long for a fairy godmother to go without sex.  She’d have to find a way to remedy that, but not with the boss.

Delta’s brain was scrambled as she searched for some other explanation or some way out.  Bubba Ray was blushing furiously and staring at his feet, refusing to make eye contact.  Hell, even Mac wouldn’t look her in the eye.  What the hell was happening here?  Where’d that come from?  She was absolutely right about what the boss hinted at and she had to find a way to change the subject…fast.  This was downright embarrassing.

Then a thought occurred to her. 

Time to pick a fight. 

With a huff, she stabbed her fists on her hips and scowled skyward.  “Fairy boy, I wouldn’t recharge your batteries if you were the last stinking fairy in the universe.  You meddled with my case.  You threw Jackson in the middle of all this out of the clear blue without a single mention of him in the case recommendations.  You did it because you didn’t know what the hell you were doing and now you’re trying to distract me.  Well, it’s not gonna work.  I’m onto you.”

Again the soft baritone slid over her with the whisper of a soft sheet. 

“Of course I did it, but I knew exactly what I was doing.  You needed a challenge.”

“What?  Challenge?  Delta doubled up her fist and shook it at the sky as her heart fluttered in her chest.  “Why, you double-dealing, sneaky, soot-feathered…”

“You’ve been getting too comfortable in your current role.  It’s time you moved up to the next level and to do it, you need tougher assignments.  The big guy thinks you need more challenge, so I gave you some stretch goals.  Think of it as an…opportunity.”

“You’re damn straight I’ve been comfortable in my current role.  I’ve got it figured out now and I can work it in my sleep.  I don’t want to move up to the next level.  I don’t need any more headaches and I don’t want any more challenges.  I like it right where I am.  Don’t you go screwing up a good thing…and I can tell you where you can put your stretch goals and your opportunity if you need directions.”

The disembodied baritone voice chuckled.  “Well, they don’t call you Bitch Number Two for nothing, that’s for sure.  I always know I can count on you to liven up a boring day.”

Bitch Number Two?

Delta was stunned.  She’d always had top billing.  Who was poaching in her territory?  “What the hell are you talking about, you big flop-footed faggit?  Bitch Number Two?  Oh hell no!  I’m Queen Bitch and you damn well know it.”

“Not any more, you’re not.  After the stunt Bitzy pulled down in Florida, you’ve been bumped.  You’ve got to admit, an alligator in the punch bowl to break up the wrong wedding was a stroke of twisted genius."

“Stroke of genius?  Are you kidding me?  She put two people in the hospital and almost blew her cover with that little stroke of twisted genius.  Shit!  You corporate types are all alike.  Doesn’t matter how many bodies you leave in your wake, as long as the case comes in on time and within budget.”

“Oh, not that tired old song and dance again,” quipped the fairy godfather.  “Give it a rest, Delta.  You’ll understand once you’ve moved to the next level.  Just hang in there, hag, and you’ll get up to speed yet.”

Delta’s temper blazed red-hot.  “Hag?  Who you callin’ Hag, you puffed up pile of horse-feathers!  And for your information, I am not moving up.  I like it here and you can’t make me do it.  So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!  Don’t you have some real work to do—like knitting a sweater for that ugly-ass bald cat of yours?”

Mac barked his agreement.

A split second later, there was a peal of thunder and lightning shot across the clear night sky.

Delta rolled her eyes and cackled as she shouted.  “Yeah, you talk tough for a guy in tights and wings.”  With a glance at Mac, she added, “Whose idea was it anyway to assign a Fairy in tights to the redneck task force?  The big guy must’ve been having a slow day.” 

Mac whined his agreement just as a louder, larger bolt of lightning shot across the sky and struck her Harley parked next to the building changing it into a moped.

Delta stared at the moped for a moment and then cursed under her breath, “Ass!”  With a wave of her fingers, the moped was restored to the Harley she rode in on.

Another bolt of lightning, the moped was back and the back tire was flat.

“Shit!”  Delta glared at the moped.  “I hate working with fairy godfathers.  They’re so damn temperamental.  You’d think after three hundred years, they’d have gotten past all the sensitivity crap.”

~~~

 

 

That’s my story, wacky and wonky, and I’m stickin’ to it.  Hang on tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya,

Kayce

 

MIDNIGHT ON THE DOUBLE-B by Kayce Lassiter on Paranormal Fragment Fridays Blog Hop

Welcome to the fourth week of Paranormal Fragment Fridays Blog Hop! This will be the last week. Each stop on the blog hop will have an author posting a "fragment" of his or her paranormal work on Fridays, and Happily Ever After Thoughts is featuring its paranormal authors.

Today, I am happy to post a fragment of a scene in my romantic short story, Midnight on the Double-B. Here the fairy godmother, Delta Jane, tells Kylah McCombs who she is and what she is about to do for Kylah. Hope you like it :-)

That’s my story, smart-alec and sassy, and I’m stickin’ to it.  Hang on tight now ‘cuz we’re gonna go real, real fast!

Love ya, Kayce.

 

 

Fragment from Midnight on the Double-B: 

“How’d you get here anyway?  I didn’t hear your motorcycle pull in.”

“Ah, I didn’t feel like eating dust today, so I just popped in.”

Kylah smiled to herself.  “On your broom?”

After a moment of silence, she turned to find the strange woman looking at her with a self-satisfied grin.

“Honey, it don’t make no sense for you to go pissin’ off your fairy godmother at a time like this.  You’re gonna need me to get out of this jam and catch that handsome young beast you’re working for.”

Oh my God, she’s freaking crazy.

“Nope,” the woman replied, “not crazy.”

Kylah stared at her.  “Did I say that out loud?”

“No.”

“You psychic?”

“You might say that, but your thoughts are the only ones I can hear.”

Oh, my freaking luck.  If she really were my fairy godmother, I’d have to shoot myself.  Now how do I get this crazy bitch out of my kitchen?

“Oh, now that’s just downright rude.”

“What?  What’s rude?”

Kylah’s heart pounded in her chest.  This was getting creepy.

“Calling me a crazy bitch just isn’t right.  I’m standing right here.  I’m a terrific fairy godmother.  You’re just lucky it’s me and not that hair-brained Gretta, always parading around in a thong bikini she shouldn’t be caught dead in.  Tough to find a place to look when you’re talking to that one.”

Kylah stared.

What the hell?

“Now, let’s talk about that handsome Michael Beasty.”

“Let’s not.”

The woman pointed a sharp, green nail at Kylah.  “You’re as rude as your young man.  Keep it up and I’ll file to get you another FGM.  I don’t have to do this, you know.”

“Do what exactly?”

“Get you married off to that handsome man you’re working for.”

“What?”  Kylah’s voice jumped about three octaves.  “Married?  To the devil?”

Delta Jane’s eyebrows rose sharply.  “To the devil?  Nooooo.  That would be a special assignment, requiring an FGM from the Special Forces Unit.  I’m only regional.”

 

Be sure to check out the other fragments on the blog hop!